loong | a great escape;

a great escape;

[ this planet.. is a tranquil one. lonely, but peaceful. there are no intelligent species here, but that is, perhaps, for the best - dan feng's penance continues, after all. in escaping the luofu he was not attempting to escape general punishment, only the molting rebirth. fear of losing himself, of losing his memories, his sense of self..

perhaps it made him a coward, to flee, but warm memories are all he has now, and he could not bear to part with them just yet.

so here he waits, alone in his own beautiful purgatory, awaiting the end of his days, nursing his ailing mind, existing in torment and in bliss in equal measure. his hatching rebirth will come in time, and only then, perhaps, will he be free of his sin, or at the very least, free of his pain. the crime of the previous life must be atoned for in the next, but.. his memories of the quintet would vanish, save for in dreams, and his reincarnation could live on.

it's a lush, lovely planet, where he has escaped to, slowly orbiting the glowing deep of a black hole, where time, for him, runs more slowly, dragging out like a string of sticky molasses. there are thick forests and vast wetlands, eighty percent of this world is water, and there is no sign that intelligent life has ever existed here. no ruins. no scrawled paintings in caves. no hidden chambers beneath the seas. three hundred years he has spent combing the globe and found nothing to suggest that anyone but he has walked the earth here. only animals. insects. fish. they make decent company, but dan feng still keeps to himself, living out of a modest shelter built near the water's edge.

three hundred years, and he speaks to no one, says nothing, until the day the majestic luofu blots out the light of the diffracting black hole.

the sight of it stills his heart in his breast, and dan feng finds his throat running dry, but when the small starskiff lands he is standing quietly, watchful and calm, the tip of his tail swaying behind him as he watches jing yuan disembark, resplendent in his general's clothing. he takes a deep breath.. releases it. ]

.. you must have been very keen to find me, to brave the dangers of the black hole.

[ for time.. time is a precious thing, every hour he spends here could be a year on the luofu. ]

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[ jing yuan's tears make his heart ache, and his own eyes sting and blur. his lover is so sweet, so gentlehearted, leaving him breaks his heart all over again. his desire to stay pulses through their bond, his need to be with jing yuan so strong, so ferocious, that he very nearly gives.

but his lover was right, from the beginning. he needs to go, he needs to find blade out there in the stars, and pave the way for the three of them to be together in the end. this is his duty, his responsibility to the three of them, and the love they shared together, a love he wants to endure endlessly. nudging their noses together, he kisses jing yuan softly and steadily, pouring all of his love into it, his devotion, his sorrow and guilt and incredible, undeniable fondness. ]

I love you, too, with everything that I have.. [ he whispers, closing his eyes and kissing him again, memorizing the texture of his warm and pliant lips. ] I will love you always.

[ pulling away from jing yuan is perhaps the hardest thing that dan feng has ever had to do, and a worry sits deep in the pit of his stomach that this will be the last time he ever feels this kiss. but he must move forward in spite of it. squeezing jing yuan's hand one last time, dan feng slips away, and into the shadows of the starskiff. ]

[Jing Yuan can do nothing but watch him go, reaching out for as long as he can with his bond on that lonely dock, far away from the bustle of the Luofu. All good and blissful things must come to an end. This little thing was no different. And life must resume.

He dries his tears and gathers himself before returning to the lonely and heavy duties as the Arbiter General.

As Dan Feng gets further from the Luofu he gets closer to someone else... eventually. It was impossible not to feel an intense fury and anger while they were together. Blade thrashed and fell into madness over and over and over again. Kafka's spirit whisperer holding him up like a puppet on strings so he couldn't cause anymore destruction.

As grief filled the bond instead he began to settle and eventually all three were thin theads connecting one another and it was hard to feel much of anything unless he focused. He could almost believe that it was some sort of bout of intense mara that caused any of that to happen. Almost. If it wasn't for the new thread that allowed him to feel Jing Yuan now when he most certainly couldn't before. Dan Feng's thread long thought cut and lost also exists but it is the addition of Jing Yuan that builds curiosity over anger. He's clumsy at these mating bond threads. He no longer knows how to navigate. But he curiously reaches out on occasion towards Jing Yuan's threads and feels a gentle touch back, of which he recoils from instantly.

Dan Feng's thread he refuses to acknowledge. Not until he absolutely has to. And that day does inevitably come.

He's with Kafka when it happens. When he feels the snap inside his mind. The thread pulsing and reaching out to him so loudly that he can't ignore it. Not when he knows Dan Feng, somehow, is in his proximity. Perhaps that's why Kafka came. She knows the scrpit and knows what to expect. And knows how to stop him. She glances back at him when he suddenly goes rigid. His sword appearing in his hands as his eyes widen and his breathing turns ragged.

"Bladie..." She warns in that sing song voice of hers. But he can barely hear her over the roaring in his ears. "Bladie." She says again. Sterner, attempting to reign him in. To center him.

He turns and sees him. Imbibitor Lunae. Dan Feng... somehow here. He knows it from their bond. That he lived. It doesn't make sense. He cannot rationalize it. But it also does not matter. Of five names. Three must pay a price. Without allowing another breath to pass he charges forward.

"Listen!"

Pink threads appear in his vision, wrapping around his limbs but he tears through them as he approaches his long hunted quarry with the intent to finally force one name to pay their long over due price.]

[ finding yingxing is not necessarily easy, but it is simple. all he needs to do is follow the thread of their bond into the stars, and he knows that, in the end, he will find the man himself. dan feng does what he can in the meantime, reaching out tentatively toward him, but receiving ire at best, absolute silence at worst, and each attempt only makes his heart sink further. there was once a time when limitless devotion and love flowed through that bond, a time when he was sure that they would be together always, until the end of his dear one's too short life.

foolish dreams from a foolish mind.

he finds his lover on a deserted planet, quiet save for the distinct humming of insects in the long grass, and blade is not alone. this much he is not surprised to see - jing yuan told him of the stellaron hunters, that their lost love had found a place with them, and.. perhaps he was right in pointing out that they should not interfere. that perhaps blade was happy - in his own way - with them. is he doing this for the right reasons? is he being callous, and selfish..?

he only believes that the three of them belong together. that they should be together, in the end. dan feng's presence here may do more harm than good, and yet - what if he is able to help? able to see the light in his lover's eyes again? it's worth the risk. but he must remember his promise to jing yuan, as well. to live.

so when blade charges him, dan feng ascends, his tail whipping as he summons orbs of cloudhymn that levitate in a protective circle around him. ]

Come, then. Try to take what you think you need.

[Blade throws himself against Dan Feng's cloudhymn magic, uncaring how it may tear at him. His movements almost familiar to Jingliu's well practiced and honed stance but more jagged and with sloppy edges. Because the wielder doesn't care about form. Only destruction.

Blade drags the old fractured blade he made a friend, long ago, across his wrist splattering his sick blood against the translucent water of Dan Feng's water, all to stir up the mara within himself and use it with his strikes.]

What I think I need. [He hisses out the words, his voice deeper and hoarser. They hold the emotion of anger and fury but they don't sit right. As if emotion of any kind is a detached thing on his husk of a body. It's the blaze of now scarlet eyes with diamond pupils that show true rage and hatred. Hundreds of years of built up ire clear as day.] What I need you cannot give me! But I will take it from you all the same. What's owed! What's due! Where have you been hiding after all this time? Cowardly! Unbecoming of your once proud station!

[He swings again with all the power he can muster behind each blow. Blood dripping from old bandaged wounds as he slices through his own skin to keep himself going forward.

"Bladie." Comes the voice again. Her heels click as she approaches the two combating former lovers, her own blade in hand. If her companion will not listen she will bring him to heel.

With one hand on her sword the other is held up, the spirit whisperer spinning and looking to cling to any mind that deigns to attack her. Not that Blade in this state stands a chance... It's the other one she's a little more concerned about.]

[ dan feng, though he sees her approach in his periphery, has no plans to attack her, not until she attacks first - his hands are full with blade alone, and the scent of his blood thick in the air.

seeing him like this..

jing yuan's explanations could never have prepared him for the reality. yingxing had always been arrogant and brash, even brutal in his approach sometimes, but this is so far removed from the man that he loves that it makes his heart twist behind his ribs, an old, aching pain rising to the surface again. it kills him inside, to see his lover tear himself apart, and to see such hatred burning in his eyes, eyes that once looked upon him with love and devotion he thought would linger always. dan feng's throat clenches, his eyes burning with hot tears. ]

Please..

[ he whispers, and all he can do is strengthen his barrier against blade's ruthless onslaught, the water frothing pink with blood. the thought crosses his mind again - that he could let the barrier down, allow that blade to run him through, if it would bring even a modicum of peace to his yingxing - but he cannot. he owes it to jing yuan to stay alive. he owes it to yingxing to try to calm his burning heart. so with one hand outstretched to keep the water between them, dan feng closes his eyes, and reaches out through the bond.

all of his love. his heartache. all of his devotion, his sorrow, his guilt.. he pours it between them, coiling it around his lover's bleeding heart, soothing and warm, thick with adoration and the nostalgia of a thousand wonderful memories. ]

Please, my heart..

[The barrage of memories do flood through him. The bond full of warmth and adoration and love...

It stops his blade from continuously swinging. But only momentarily. A laugh, manic and loud rips through his throat and he brings the gloved hand to his head, eyes wide and unseeing.]

What is any of this? It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't belong to me, this past of yours... That man is dead. And only I remain.

[He brings his blade across his arm again prepared to thust forward to slash through the water as best he can and to sever whatever limb the foolish high elder thought to reach out to him with. Eyes bright with hatred suddenly go wide and then dim.

Kafka's blade pierces through the chest of Blade her expression blank as she twists it some.

"I said listen, Bladie... Bad boys don't get to play."

The light fades from Blade's eyes rapidly. He brings a hand to the sword piercing through him, fingers dipping into the wound.]

Is there... a chance... This time...

[He sinks to the ground, her blade sliding out of him as he falls in a heap. His blood pooling beneath her heels. To which she lets out a whiny sigh.]

Bladie... You always get your blood all over my jacket.

[She tuts as she looks it over with a small frown before settling for shaking out her weapon and lifting her gaze towards the High Elder, a coy smile curling at her lips.]

Myyyy... You're quite troublesome. A sudden script change at the eleventh hour. But I couldn't let him kill you. Your death would have caused the General of the Luofu to instantly get struck with mara seeing as you bound yourself to him and all that. And I fear I need him elsewhere. There's a lot of plans in place and your resurrection, however it happened, can't interfere.

You seem a bit behind the times so let me fill you in while Bladie here is down for the count. Are you going to listen Imbibitor Lunae?

[ dan feng's mouth opens to offer an argument, but the words he planned to say are brutally cut off when kafka's blade pierces his old lover's body.

he knew. he knew that blade was chasing death, he knew that he'd died countless times, unable to stay permanently dead, but seeing it with his own eyes, seeing that sword run him through, and watching the pain in his eyes.. watching the light fade -

in an instant, his heart is torn apart, deep and raging anguish rippling through their shared bonds powerfully enough that surely jing yuan will feel it, wherever the luofu is in the stars. it does not matter that his love will heal, does not matter that he will rise again, he can't consider that, not while he watches blade's body slump bonelessly into the bloody grass. dan feng cries out, furious and aching with grief, his mind full of images of baiheng, the quintet, her body torn apart, leaving only a shred behind.. it's as if he is that man again, helpless to stop those he loves from dying. his ears ring. his heart pounds.

he never wanted to feel this pain again, the terrible punch of grief that steals the wind from his lungs, and the way it shivers through their bond, sickly and cold - it's a feeling that will stick with him forever, he's sure.

the water dissipates, and dan feng crumples to his knees, his hands clutching at blade's chest, staining his sleeves and palms in sticky scarlet. this is so incredibly, wrenchingly wrong. kafka is speaking, and he can barely make out what she is saying, distant though her voice sounds, until that word strikes his mind - listen.

his head snaps up, eyes wide and wet, his expression smooth in abject shock.

he's listening. ]

[She cants her head to the side as she watches the scene. How he mourns and screams and wails.]

Heeey. There's no need for such grief. He's going to be up again before you know it. I've had to kill him countless times. Sometimes he gets a bit too wound up. His memories cause him a great deal of pain and the mara is a nasty thing even for us to handle.

[She kneels down with him, her lips curling into a smile.]

Bladie doesn't like to talk about his past or himself very much. So I'm not going to have all the answers you probably want. But I'll tell you what I can. After a long time of chasing after your reincarnation he came to us and was offered a deal. Join our cause and Elio will give him the eternal rest he desires. Pretty enticing deal for ol' Bladie. Tricky part was when he first came to us he was more beast than man. Took a bit of training and a lot of killing and quite a bit of memory wiping but he can be quite the docile little thing...

And that's the thing. Bladie is calm when he can't remember. When you're removed from his memories. When the General is. When the Luofu. And all those pretty little memories you've made together. That's when he's at his best. The mara is the weight and accumulation of memories, after all. You take some of those away and the weight lifts and the mind can function again. But when they start to accumulate and build once more... Then you have yourselves a marastruck. There's other factors too. Stress and war and soldiers succumb quite early and so on and so forth... Yaoshi's created a nasty little plague in the Xianzhou people, hasn't she? [She tuts and her gaze flickers to Blade's body. An expression flickers across her face but only for a fleeting moment before she's offering that cruel smile of hers once more.] Mara is what it is. It cannot be cured but it can be managed.

Assuming you can calm him. Assuming you can reconcile whatever grievance you two have. The mara will persist. And what then will you do, High Elder? And what will you do when you have two mara struck individuals at your side assuming the General makes it through the grand finale?

Didn't you learn long ago that you can't save everyone?

[Her eyes gleam and her expression becomes a touch wicked but she begins to stand, her threads fading and retracting. At least from Dan Feng.]

I'll let you have him for now. But I won't be far, just in case. Death mellows him out for a time but his reaction to you one can't be certain. But you two have a lot to talk about. A lot to think about, even...

[ you can't save everyone..

a terrible, cold, and cruel truth. one that he defies at every turn. why? why can't he save everyone? why can't he find the solution for his people, for his loved ones? instead, everything he touches turns to ash. perhaps kafka has the right of it, as jing yuan had - if he.. if he can be content with them, if he can find his place beside someone else, where the mara plagues him less, then isn't letting him go the right choice..?

nothing feels right anymore. everything he's ever been so sure about is crumbling. with a sharp pain in his chest, dan feng recalls all of those promises that they made beneath the light of the moon, the gifts they exchanged. the love. now, his presence does nothing but cause his lover pain.

the things that she says.. they are not new, they are thoughts that he has harbored since the moment he opened his eyes again, since he fell into jing yuan's arms on that lonely planet. what will he do, when they are both crazed with mara? there is no happy ending, here. there is nothing that can save them. no, he cannot save everyone.. why can he not, at least, save those that he loves? is that too much to ask? this must be what he deserves. but if he can make what time they have left together count, if he can make it mean something..

kafka stands, and dan feng remains where he is, crumpled on his knees, his fine clothing soaked in blade's blood, and as she withdraws, he folds forward, burying his face against his old lover's maimed chest. though he feels numb, his body pulsing, he cannot stop the tears that stream from his eyes. ]

[There is nothing but silence that answers his sobs and sorrows. Jing Yuan's bond far from them both still makes a weak attempt at comfort. The grief of his beloved ones only cuases grief of his own. But still he tries...

Blade remains nothing more than a corpse for a lengthy few minutes more before the body shudders. And the first intake of breath after being slain is always a painful one. It rips through his body as it jolts itself into existence once more. And every one that follows is a ragged and uncertain thing as everything within him begins working once more, much to his never ending dismay.

Death always come with the sense of being disorinented at first. And he feels that in spades now. Blade's eyes flutter open and then promptly closed as pain and confusion flood his mind. He focuses on something else. Anything else.

He can feel Jing Yuan's warmth through the bond that's been created. An easy thing to turn to... Like the sun. It brings comfort in his current state. And he can feel Dan Feng... Something in him, something deep down and forgotten, wants that too. To comfort the sorrow that he can't understand. His fingers, battered and bloody and no longer able to make and craft as they once did reach out blindly. Eventually they find the fabric of Dan Feng's sleeves and curl around the fabric, smearing more blood across the pretty silks.]

Qīn'ài de.

[ it is perhaps jing yuan's warmth that is all that keeps him grounded right now, all that keeps him focused on what he must be focused on. just as he has sought to throw himself from the luofu's towers that night, so now does he feel the temptation to lift his lover's blade and drive it through his suffering heart, anything to end this infernal nagging torment.. but jing yuan's faint presence remains, soothing and kind, keeping him strong. his life is no longer his own, anymore. he owes it to them to carry on.

when blade stirs, dan feng holds even more tightly, unwilling to let him go. the stench of blood is strong, and it's sticky as it cools on his body and in his clothing, but he pays it no mind, can only hold close against the torment. his old lover breathes again, ragged and painful, and dan feng closes his stinging eyes for a moment - until those fingers reach for him, until he hears those words. his chest constricts immediately, fresh tears flooding his eyes as he lifts his head. ]

My heart.

[ he whispers, and with both hands, takes blade's face between them, cradling it gently with his bloodied palms. lowering himself again, he touches their brows gently together. ]

I am with you..

[ there is so much to be said, so much to be worked through, but all he can manage is a soft, shuddering sob. ]

[Where Dan Heng can claim that is not the same person as Dan Feng it is different with Blade. Yingxing and he are still connected. He is still in his body. Still has his memories. Still has his thoughts. And feelings. Parts of him are dead. Long dead... But there is enough of him left within that makes the mara claw at him. Enough to make him hesitate and feel things he no longer wishes to feel.

It makes him ache. And he already aches enough!

His thoughts begin to reshape themselves and refocus. Yingxing is fading away but not enough to allow that all consuming rage to bubble over again. Though he holds no affection for the person weeping against him. Whose holding his face as if they know one another. They don't... Not anymore. He has so few memories of Dan Feng and in turn Dan Feng has no clue what kind of person he is now.

They are nothing more than strangers.]

Why are you here? [Blade retracts from both men reaching out to both of them with their bond. He lashes out and snaps at Jing Yuan's touch and more so at Dan Feng's.] You cannot grant my wish and thus your presence is a burden... Kafka won't let me kill you so run away because when my duty is done I will finish what I started here.

Or go back to hiding as you have these endless centuries...

[For all his words are cruel and sharp, purposely to push the other away he makes no move to pull away himself, other than dropping the sleeve from his broken grasp. Maybe because it hurts. Maybe that part of Yingxing doesn't want to be let go of. Whatever the reason he can only hope that Dan Feng leaves him here on the ground and he can simply wait for Kafka's return. And then she can erase this whole encounter from his mind allowing him some peace from this torment.]

[ those words.. they cut deeper than any blade ever could. to think that his yingxing would ever say such things to him, call him a burden - ]

I -

[ why is he here, chasing after a man that does not want him? blade lashes at his attempt to reach through the bond, and dan feng retreats from it, aching and mourning. he thought he was strong enough for this, but perhaps he is not, his heart has ever been his weakest point, so easily cut and bruised, shattered like hollow glass.

why does he not remember? they had gone into their doom together, made the choice to damn themselves together, whatever it took to return baiheng to their side. he can only assume it was due to his own mistakes. his mishandling of the ritual. what is it that bred this awful hatred? he does not know how to answer blade's question, he does not know what the right thing to do might be. perhaps he never should have left jing yuan's arms, and faced this terrible nightmare.

swallowing thickly, dan feng pulls back, his face smeared with blood, and one hand slides over blade's chest, cloudhymn stirring to begin healing him. he'll heal on his own, of course, but.. ]

I am here.. for you. For Jing Yuan. For myself.

[ but the idea of making amends, or attempting to, seems.. laughable, now. ]

[He makes a sound at that response. Not quite a sneer nor is it a scoff. A sound of disgruntlement.]

For me... You mean for him. And he no longer exists, Imbibitor Lunae. He died and only a walking corpse remains.

[He slowly opens his eyes, purposely avoiding looking at Dan Feng he stares up at the sky instead, breathing in slow as the cloudhymn magic brushes along his broken body. It can heal this recent wound, perhaps make it so it won't leave a scar among all the others but it can't fix the rest of him. This ugly husk of flesh that keeps on moving despite his wishes.]

Of five names three must pay a price... Yours. And mine. And Jingliu... We are all guilty. And all must be punished for our sins...

[Beiheng is dead. And the fifth name... Blade closes his eyes tight feeling his chest seize up. A young boy he sees in his memory. But he was an old general at recent meetings. He will be gone soon too. The youngest among them and gone before them all. He clenches his teeth and sits up.]

Why did you bind him to us?

If he no longer exists.. then why are you chasing me down? How can you be furious with me, want to kill me so badly, if I am nothing but a stranger to you?

[ the fact of the matter is, that blade is perhaps not so far removed from yingxing as he wants to be. he cares about the past so much that it's pushing him to vengeance - he cannot have it both ways, cannot claim to no longer be that man, when he carries on in his fury. ]

Walking corpses cannot feel a need for vengeance.

[ the cloudhymn fades, the healing complete, but dan feng's hand remains where he left it, resting on blade's chest. when he posits his next question, dan feng's eyes lift to his face. he feels hollow inside, but the mention of jing yuan.. ]

Because I love him. Because he wanted it. I could not deny him.

[ for he wanted it, too. wanted so badly to feel that warmth and closeness again, to show jing yuan his heart in its entirety. he should have done it long ago. ]

[Blade doesn't like those inquiries. Doesn't like this comparison. That if he is not Yingxing then he should not be carrying out vengeance. That he shouldn't have this hate. This wrath. He has no answer to this. His memories too shattered to make an argument. There's a reason...

Surely there is...

But should there be one he cannot recall. He focuses on the other thing instead. Binding Jing Yuan to them for whatever senseless reason. Why? Because he wanted it. Blade actively huffs and words from the past spill out faster than he can stop them.]

He's a brat and you spoil him...

[He clenches his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut. His words aren't wrong, he does not think. Jing Yuan... spoiled till the very end. He... They always gave into his whims and wants. Because... Because...]

Why now? After all this time. He gains nothing from it but grief. Why confirm what he already knew with something as useless as a bond between us. [His bandaged hand reaches for his head and he has to breath out slow so not to work up the threatening mara with this conversation.] This is why he's a brat...

[ blade is not wrong. they always and ever gave into jing yuan's whims, unable to deny him anything at all, for they loved him, and he was the best of them even then. he deserves the world.

a pity all he had gotten was two wretched monsters. ]

He's stronger than you think. He may gain grief, but there is also warmth, and love. A connection across the vastness of space. I can feel him even now.

[ dan feng's free hand moves to his chest, and though his grief remains raw and his heart still feels hollow, he feels the bond between them all, a string that cannot be cut by anything but death. he reaches for jing yuan, holds to him, leans on his warmth and his strength to get him through this cold darkness. he's always so selfish.. but he cannot face this alone. blade's sharp and cruel demeanor toward him hurts like fire in his soul. ]

Of all of us.. he deserves happiness. I would see that he has it, in what capacity I am able. The three of us, together in the end.

[Blade doesn't want to feel Jing Yuan's warmth. No... That's not true. He does want to feel him but shouldn't. His fingers curl into his hair as his thoughts combat. Past and present intertwining with old lovers that should no longer be alive or part of his life in any way.

That chapter is over. There is no going back. Wishing otherwise is a foolishness that none of them can spare.

But... There's a part of him that still exists that knows that Dan Feng speaks the truth. That of them all, save for Baiheng, he does deserve the best. The youngest of them all who shone so brightly. Who pursued his wants so endlessly. Who bravely dared to reach for something must would think a fool's errand. Who tied himself to the Luofu despite his dreams which should have led him elsewhere.

He remembers, faintly, hearing that he was there and knowing that wasn't right. That he shouldn't be general. He had dreams outside that ship. So... why? Why did he remain in place waiting for those who had no intention of returning home? Clinging to a past that shattered before his eyes...

Blade reaches out tentatively, struggling with the bond especially after lashing out. The General is keeping his distance but he pursues. It's an unkind pursuit, probably a touch painful due to his demands of the other person and his clumsy handling.

He presses against Jing Yuan, prying information and emotions to try and find out why he allowed this. For what purpose has he done the things he's done. Why connect. Why forgive Dan Feng. It's a flurry of questions and demands that rattles against the bonds of both of them.

He eventually gets his answer. Or at least pieces of an answer. Enough of them that he can paint a picture.

He sees the bracers that he made for himself and Dan Feng. Their matching scarlet earrings. He sees many promised nights where he remained at the forge instead of returning as promised, lost in the craft. The most damning being the night before Jing Yuan had to leave for a war with Jingliu. One that took him away for nearly a decade. So many moments and missing moments that began to weave a picture of doubt that Jing Yuan carried with him for hundreds of years.

He didn't know with complete certainty that he truly was their whole world.

The realization quiets him. It quiets everything in him. Mara and rage and madness. His thoughts are completely silent as he sits in the puddle of his own blood with Dan Feng.]

He didn't know... [This is the closest he's been to being Yingxing in a long time.] I was going to make him a bracer too. But Shuhu attacked sooner than we expected and he got hurt.

[He can see it clearly as if it was just yesterday. Jingliu screaming his name and looking over to see the light fading from those golden eyes. Dan Feng's dragon instincts taking over at the sight of it. Baiheng falling shortly after, fading into nothing but dust. There was no time to craft. To whisper assurances to their dying third whom he thought for certain, at the time, would not pull through. Jingliu was falling to pieces at these losses...

They had to...

A sharpness pierces through his recollections, stopping him there. But he's gathered enough. Recalled enough for the moment. And he thinks he gets it. Understands enough. He glances over at Dan Feng and looks at him, truly looks at him with a clarity in his eyes that has not been there since the start of this whole mess.]

You want us to be there when the mara takes him...?

[ dan feng is deathly silent while blade presses their third, pushing for memories he no longer possesses, reaching into the darkness of their past. those memories resonate along their bond, and dan feng feels them too, feels all the agony that came with them. jing yuan falling in battle, the thread of his life so thin, the dragon rousing in anguish and fury in his breast..

and then baiheng -

he couldn't lose them both. he had to save them all.

didn't you learn long ago that you can't save everyone?

dan feng closes his stinging eyes, allowing the memories to wash over him as if they were fresh. all these years later and still he feels it so keenly. he can only thank the heavens that jing yuan pulled through in the end, but.. by then it had been far too late. the damage was done, and dan feng lost them both to his own recklessness. had he taken more time to understand the arcanum, had he not acted so rashly -

the regret swims and churns in his stomach, a sickly, sour feeling, but regret will not change the past. he feels blade's eyes resting on him, and so he opens his own again, his heart like heavy stone in his breast. slowly, dan feng nods, finally drawing his hand away from blade's bloodied chest. ]

.. yes. He deserves to spend his last years in peace, in love and care, with those he yearns for most. And.. so do you.

[ even if dan feng means nothing to him now, even if he is only to be reviled by one of his heart's greatest loves, he will.. endure it, if it means peace for the two of them. if it means they can find a little sliver of happiness before the end, in this sea of darkness - he will weather all of blade's fury and cruelty and vengeful hate. he must. ]

[Watching the mara slowly take over Jing Yuan to the point that... what? They have to put him down themselves? It's Blade's turn to send a wave of anguish through their bond. He doesn't want that. That's not something he wants to witness. Or be a part of.

He also has no guarantee that he will remain lucid. That he can just coexist with these two members of his past and play... house, or whatever this foolish dream is. It's folly, he knows that much. But, for Jing Yuan, it is a better fate than that which awaits him if he stays on the Luofu. The beloved General of the Xianzhou brought to the Shackling Prison to face the fate of all those that become marastruck. So yes, better with those that love him.

And he thinks he understands now why Dan Feng has come to him... A request not from himself but for what will be the final wish of Jing Yuan once the script comes to a close.]

I make you no promises... I may not be in any state to come. [It's not a dmissal but a fact that must be accepted.] But do him a favor, if this is truly your intent, and don't look at him like he's already dead. I would catch you, on occasion, looking as if you were already mourning my passing when I was still right there.

He's still alive... [And so is he... regrettably.] Remember that.

[Blade breaths out slow adjusting to how clear his thoughts are for the moment. He moves to get up and be done with this entire interaction but his body, while healed, still lost most of its blood. It's on the floor beneath the both of them, actually. The wave of dizziness that follows even the motion to get up is too much and he settles back on the ground, eyes closing in exhaustion.

His body will recover but it is... annoying.]

[ he's not sure that he will ever get used to this, this coldness, this distance where there had once been such closeness. blade is.. entirely ambivalent toward him, through their bond he can feel no affection, only revulsion, and it stings like salt in a hundred wounds.

it's a pain he deserves. one he will shoulder, for those he loves. yingxing may no longer love him, but dan feng loves him, and he will continue to do all that he can for him. for both of them. if that means that he must keep his distance, to keep from aggravating blade's mara, from aggravating his heart, then he will do so. he had hoped.. hoped that they would be able to mend something between them, that they would be able to welcome jing yuan with love, but blade doesn't plan to stay. he's already trying to leave. grief ripples through their bond, but he says nothing, does not try to convince him to stay, no matter how much he wants it.

how many years will he have to wait alone in the cold stars, far from jing yuan's warmth, living with yingxing's hate? ]

I will.

[ he says softly, his fingers twitching toward blade when he tries to stand, eager to keep him close despite it all, but he quickly reins it in. ]

I'll leave you to recover, then.

[ he says hollowly, though before he stands.. he hesitates, then lifts his hand to his ear to remove the red tasseled earring there, the mate to blade's own. the one he still wears, somehow. he presses the earring into blade's palm. ]

Take this. Please. Maybe it will.. help you to remember us. The good things.

[Blade's brow furrows as he reaches up with his bandaged hand to take what's being offered.

This is...

This is not something he should have.

This was a gift, carefully strung together by his own hands. Simple and subtle as was the intention so not to attract those to its true meaning. The crashing of waves against the shore. The moon high. And only two others to witness a whispered union. Jingliu on Dan Feng's side and Baiheng on his. Jing Yuan not yet a part of their number. Not yet known to be dear. His absence from this and knowledge of it would be the reason he pursued them after his joining. He'd have never dared otherwise, of this he's certain...

He can't remember every moment of the evening. Every detail or word said. But parts of it shine through the cracks of his broken memory.

Blades broken fingers twitch around the object in his hand unable to close around it. Too stiff and injured to do anything.]

I can't hide secrets nor sorrow. Just as I can't hide the joy of loving you. Nor can I hide the hesitation of separation.

If one day, you want to leave me, I would not try to keep you. I know you have your reasons. If one day, you say you still love me, I would tell you, in fact, I have been waiting for you.

If one day, we walk past each other, I would stop, looking back at you. I would tell myself that I love that person still.

Perhaps a person can fall in love many times in a lifetime... But there is always a certain someone who can make us laugh the loudest. Cry the hardest. And think the deepest.

The smoke from the forge is settling and I'm waiting for you at the door.

The leaves are turning yellow and I'm waiting for you beneath the trees.

The sun is setting and I'm waiting for you at the full moon.

The rain is coming and I'm waiting for you with an umbrella.

The rivers are frozen and I'm waiting for you by the sea.

And when I get too old I will wait for you in the next life.

I will always wait for you.

[Moonlit vows spoken from an old memory long thought forgotten and destroyed or removed. For that's the problem... It's all missing. Every moment and memory is stripped from him. Only the anger and hate and ugly things remain. Sometimes things resurface...

He tilts his head up to look at Dan Feng, brows furrowed and confused but he pushes the earring back.]

I gave this... to you. I cannot keep it...

[He has an earring too. One he always wears. Just like the bracer. Just like the broken weapon he wields.

That broken sword, you can't let go of the past, can you blade? Her voice rings through his ears as she mocks his broken mind clinging yet detesting the memories of the past.]

What does it mean... these earrings? Those words... I can't remember...

[ at best, dan feng expects that the earring will be taken with a huff. at worst, discarded. he doesn't expect to hear those words, words he never expected to hear again in his long life, words he thought would exist only in memory. inhaling sharply, dan feng stares at blade's profile, struck silent.

but only for a few moments. his hand remains over the earring in blade's palm. ]

When you asked me to marry you.. I was sure that you were joking. That you were teasing me. After all, I was such a sour thing sometimes, and distant in ways that made things difficult, but you did not relent, just as you never relented in pursuing me to begin with. I told you I said yes simply to quiet you, but that was not the truth. I said yes because I wanted nothing more than to be bound with you for the rest of my life.

[ a flutter in his breast, and dan feng exhales softly, recalling the sweet memories of their wedding night, how the moon had shone over the rippling water as they exchanged words and jewelry and promises that they never wanted to break. through it all, their bond still pursues, linking them, even if his once husband could not remember why, or how. dan feng's heartbreak and devotion thrum through it, even now. ]

I do not have your gift for words, for sweet promises and for thoughtful poetry, but I do have my heart to give to you, bleeding and tender.

Care for it, ai de, as I will care for yours, for this heart was truly your greatest work. Carefully, perhaps recklessly you pried away the cold walls that protected it and scooped it up for yourself with greedy, loving hands.

You tended me like a garden, growing this heart like a lotus, effortless in your cultivation and careful creation until I bloomed for you beneath the moon.

Without you, I was empty. Before you, I was cold.

Now, with this bond, I take your heart for my own in exchange for the everlasting lotus. Please care for me, for I am yours to keep.

[Those words are familiar... He couldn't recite them word for word but they resonate within a part of him. Something deep and long forgotten. He can't focus on any one part too long or else it bleeds together into something unrecognizable.

And there are some things he's certain he'll never forget. The taste of rice wine as they celebrate. The warmth of Jing Yuan. Baiheng's brilliant laugh. The chill of Jingliu. And...

He lifts his head up some to meet the brilliant eyes of Dan Feng... What does he remember when he recalls Dan Feng? So much of him has been forgotten and carved out. The name and face bring only anger and rage. But now something else festers with this newly restored knowledge. Something that he's certain he needs to cultivate, just like the words in the vow just spoken.

Blade's fingers twitch beneath Dan Feng's touch, still unable to fold them in to hold the item or the hand within his own. He leans in instead, eyes searching the familiar face yet unfamiliar person, his nose brushing against the former High Elder's.]

Help me remember... Help remind me who you are...

[ it's so hard to see him struggle, to fight against his broken memories - that they are gone at all seems a terrible crime. mara is truly a wicked, evil thing, taking all that is good and strangling it away.. what a horrible, heartbreaking thing, to have all of their love and happiness stripped away and left to fester and die, so achingly unfair. they made so many promises, shared a thousand kisses..

their noses touch, and dan feng feels his chest constrict. blade smells of blood and steel, but also of familiarity, of old, stirring memory, and he can't help the soft, wounded noise that passes his lips. ]

Let me help you, then.

[ he whispers, knowing full well how dangerous this could be, knowing that blade could strike at any time, but it's a chance he must take to keep the promise, to help both of his lovers, to give blade his memories back, and cultivate the garden for jing yuan. his free hand lifts, still sticky with cooled blood, and he drags the pad of his thumb along the soft rise of blade's cheekbone, before he's tilting his head, closing the tiny amount of distance between them in a soft and gentle kiss, while his opposite hand threads their fingers together, the earring held between.

through their bond, blade will feel all of dan feng's heart, the ugly and broken, the warm and yearning, but with it comes the memories. flashes of yingxing's youth, his brilliant sharp smile seen through dan feng's eyes, and all the love in his violet eyes. there's aurum alley, where they walk arm in arm through the night, the lunarescent depths where they share their vows, and the soft silk of yingxing's sheets as they fall together in desperate need. there are warm, sunny days spent lounging in gardens, and dan feng's soft smile as he approaches yingxing at the forge.

the exchanging of bracers meant to link them together. shared tea and meals. arguments and disagreements. sweet kisses in passing as yingxing left to work, and came back late. years and years of memories, some sweet, others sour, but all of them persistent and full of unending love. ]

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