i want that can't sleep love

[loong]

[ truth be told, dan feng is a little bit nervous.

they've been waiting to try this for quite a long time, after all, and with the kemmering finally approaching, well.. what better opportunity could there be? his mate's heat will stimulate dan feng's own rut, they'll both be at their most fertile, there's no reason not to at least give it a chance. no reason to be pessimistic, however low the chances might be. if they don't try, the chances will always be zero.

dan feng has made everything as comfortable for them as possible. their shared sprawling penthouse is clean, dinner is prepared, and anything they could possibly need or want is laid out. he's cleared out a space in their sunken common area, and lined it with thick blankets, pillows and cushions, like a nest, so they can be close to the kitchen and bathroom if necessary, and they can enjoy the view of the city together. there's even a bottle of white wine chilling in a silver bucket on a low table, beside two glasses.

he's dressed lightly, in simple hanfu, one pale green robe with a sash, his feet bare and his hair loose, all ornaments and jewelry removed and laid aside.

when aphelios arrives home, he will find dan feng sitting comfortably in the nest in the half lotus position, eyes closed as he meditates, eyes closed, and in his lap.. are several soft, beautiful, pearlescent eggs wrapped in silk, and kept close to absorb his warmth. he breathes deeply, calming and centering himself as he waits. ]


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[loong]

[ oh. oh, everything else comes to a screeching halt. ]

What?

[ dan feng is no longer worried about what a brat his husband is, not now, when his other hand is being guided to phel's belly, smoothing over it, and sure enough, there's a little movement beneath his palm. there's a cold prickle of shock down his back, followed by immediate burgeoning joy. ]

My love -

[ he whispers softly, leaning his chest further against aphelios' back as he curls closer to him, holding him as close as he can manage to, and despite himself dan feng is grinning like an absolute fool. they knew that they were beginning to approach the time that they'd be able to detect their babies' movements, but knowing it was coming, and feeling it, are two different things. he exhales hard and trembling, splaying the fingers of both hands further over phel's belly, hoping to feel even more. ]

Ah.. I can't believe it. They love the water, too.

[ he chuckles, nuzzling his nose and mouth both to aphelios jaw, pressing soft, happy kisses there, his tail swirling through the water to curl around his husband. ]

[heartsteel]

They're moving.

[ as much joy as aphelios feels just from the thought of their babies moving around inside him, it's multiplied tenfold by getting to see how much joy dan feng feels at feeling it. his heart swells with love, and he presses his hands atop his husband's so he can feel every strange fluttering little movement as one of the twins clearly decides to do some somersaults or something. ]

What did you expect? They're your babies, sweetheart. [ aphelios' grin is wide and blissful, and he tilts his head a little to the side to let dan feng kiss along his neck however much he wants. ] It makes sense that they take after you.

[ maybe she's mad because they were bumping her around like crazy earlier... aphelios doesn't say that aloud, though, just hums contentedly and settles down to continue watching his belly. after a few minutes the movements quiet again, and phel shifts his hands to dan feng's wrists, then pulls his arms around aphelios in a back hug.

like this, cradled in his husband's warm embrace, surrounded by the water and reminded all over again of the life growing inside him, aphelios can't help it—after a moment, a hot tear slips down his cheek and he sniffles loudly, then laughs at himself as he lifts a hand to wipe his face. ]

Oh, gods. I'm just— [ he turns in dan feng's lap to press his face against his neck instead, exhaling wetly into the skin there. ] I can feel them when they move. I didn't... I didn't know it would feel like that.

[loong]

[ his joy is indescribable, immeasurable, his heart fit to burst in his chest. they've gotten confirmation through tests, they've seen images through the ultrasound and watched as aphelios' belly grew, but this, feeling their movements.. makes it all feel so incredibly real. more than anything previously had. feeling the evidence for themselves that their babies are alive and active, growing strong enough to wriggle around in there, is wildly moving.

he can't stop kissing his husband, can only hold him tightly and securely, grasping with his hands and tail both, as if he could crawl right into aphelios' skin, given the chance.

when he hears that little sniffle he isn't surprised. this is a monumental little moment in their lives, and aphelios has been terribly sensitive lately - if even dan feng is feeling as if he could cry, surely aphelios must be barely holding it in. when phel turns in his arms dan feng cradles him close immediately, dipping his head to kiss the tearstain from his cheek, then his soft, pretty mouth. ]

I'm envious of you. I'd love to be able to feel it.

[ to know what it's like to carry their children.. what a beautiful feeling it must be. smoothing a hand back through aphelios' soft hair, dan feng tilts his head up to kiss his mouth again, softly, sweetly, several times in a row. ]

What does it feel like?

[heartsteel]

[ that's exactly the thought that's brought aphelios to tears now: that despite seeing the ultrasounds, despite watching his belly grow week over week, it's this that feels like the real confirmation that the babies inside him are strong and alive. not that he didn't believe the doctors, it's just... it's different, to feel them quicken inside him.

he snuggles into dan feng's arms and clings. honestly, with his hormones all over the place as they've been the last couple of months, aphelios has been a little embarrassed about how easily his mood changes—how easily he cries, or gets his feelings hurt, or gets irritated only for it all to was away in minutes. but dan feng, aspect bless him, has been bedrock solid the entire time. ]

I wish you could. [ he cups dan feng's face gently and presses their lips together again, and by the last kiss he's smiling, even if his eyes are still a little glossy. ] It feels like...

[ a pause, and then aphelios laughs and presses his nose against dan feng's cheek. it's a stupid comparison, but it's the only thing that he can think of to accurately describe how it felt to feel their babies shifting inside him. ]

You know when you catch a frog in your hands and you can feel it trying to jump?

[loong]

[ aphelios' mood swings hardly bother him. dan feng knew that it would happen, had mentally steeled himself, and while it sometimes flares up out of nowhere he is patient with his husband. it's not as if aphelios can help it, and besides, if this is the price they must pay to bring their babies into the world, it's a small tax to pay. he's always there with tissues for his husband, and likewise knows when to leave him be as well, until he cools and calms. they manage just fine. love and devotion are powerful things.

he smiles for aphelios, swiping his thumbs beneath his pretty pink eyes to brush the tears away from his lashes, and when aphelios hides his face again dan feng laughs softly, both arms encircling his waist, holding him close. ]

A.. frog?

[ dan feng sounds bewildered, flipping through his memory banks, but he's quite sure that he's never caught a frog in his hands. he was chosen as high elder when he was very young, which meant that his childhood was.. well, a bit nonexistent. he didn't get the opportunity to play in the mud with other children, catching bugs and frogs - that sort of thing was, naturally, beneath such an esteemed personage as himself. so he soon shakes his head. ]

No, I've never caught a frog. But I can imagine the sensation well enough, I think.

[heartsteel]

You've never caught a frog?

[ even though aphelios has by now heard the story of dan feng's life, and understands that his childhood would have been extremely limited due to his selection as high elder, it's still—a little surprising, sometimes, to hear the things that aphelios took for granted that dan feng never experienced. even growing up in the lunari temple before the massacre, even as one of their blessed twins, aphelios and alune had always been allowed to play. they were readied for what their lives would mean, of course, but they were also allowed to be children. it was an opportunity they would only have once, after all.

he presses a tender kiss to dan feng's throat, then wraps his arms around dan feng's waist and squeezes him back. ]

Well, then. Guess when the summer comes we're going to have to go catch frogs together.

[ take a couple of days off work, go out to the countryside where aphelios was born, and catch frogs in the mud. have popsicles and walk barefoot and enjoy the heat before their babies make an entrance into the world.

aphelios sits up a little, feeling a little more settled, and cups some water in one hand to scoop it over his belly, his chest, and then dan feng's chest in order. idly, he thinks about how nice it's going to be to have this deep inset pool when he's huge and the buoyancy of the water can take some of the weight off. ]

Maybe we should soak in here more. See if they like it just as much, so you can feel them more.

[loong]

[ at the time, dan feng didn't have too much of a problem with his childhood. it was all he ever knew, after all, and though he was certainly a spoiled and rebellious little thing there were things that were strictly not allowed. playing in the mud among them. by the time dan feng finally found warmth and companionship in the quintet, he was far too old for catching frogs.

and also, you know, still the high elder. not that the preceptors could have stopped him at that point, if he had wanted to go frog catching. so when aphelios suggests a summer vacation to play in the mud, dan feng looks a little puzzled before his expression softens into a smile. he knows what aphelios is trying to do, offering him experiences he was never able to enjoy. his sweet husband.. ]

Mm, all right. I suppose a little mud won't kill me.

[ it might tho. he can be a bit of a prissy diva sometimes..

when aphelios begins to wash them both, dan feng allows it without complaint, soon reaching for two soft washcloths and handing one over to his husband. ]

And I think that would be a good idea. That they would resonate with the water isn't so surprising, really. I'm curious to see how their abilities develop..

[ aphelios has his own powers going on, after all, and dan feng has his cloudhymn.. but this is all but unprecedented among the vidyadhara, that a high elder should produce offspring. who knows how powerful their children might be? ]