i want that can't sleep love

[loong]

[ truth be told, dan feng is a little bit nervous.

they've been waiting to try this for quite a long time, after all, and with the kemmering finally approaching, well.. what better opportunity could there be? his mate's heat will stimulate dan feng's own rut, they'll both be at their most fertile, there's no reason not to at least give it a chance. no reason to be pessimistic, however low the chances might be. if they don't try, the chances will always be zero.

dan feng has made everything as comfortable for them as possible. their shared sprawling penthouse is clean, dinner is prepared, and anything they could possibly need or want is laid out. he's cleared out a space in their sunken common area, and lined it with thick blankets, pillows and cushions, like a nest, so they can be close to the kitchen and bathroom if necessary, and they can enjoy the view of the city together. there's even a bottle of white wine chilling in a silver bucket on a low table, beside two glasses.

he's dressed lightly, in simple hanfu, one pale green robe with a sash, his feet bare and his hair loose, all ornaments and jewelry removed and laid aside.

when aphelios arrives home, he will find dan feng sitting comfortably in the nest in the half lotus position, eyes closed as he meditates, eyes closed, and in his lap.. are several soft, beautiful, pearlescent eggs wrapped in silk, and kept close to absorb his warmth. he breathes deeply, calming and centering himself as he waits. ]


texting

Comments

[heartsteel]

[ by almost anyone's definition of the word, aphelios could be called a workaholic. he tends to stay late in the studios, tends to bring his work home, tends to let himself get caught up in whatever he's doing, focusing on one song until the words start to swim and he realizes it's been hours since he left his chair, let alone ate. on any normal day, he'll let himself in carrying a bag stuffed with scratch papers, covered in half-intelligible lyrics that he'll start to tease into proper verses while he and dan feng curl up on the couch after dinner.

but today isn't a normal day. today, aphelios left the studio before the sun starts to set; today, he hasn't brought anything home with him, not even a pen that might distract him from the plans he and dan feng have made.

when he was young, aphelios' aunts had always told him that the kemmer would only come regularly when he was ready to bear children—and even then, only when both heart and body were healthy and willing. the better part of a decade ago, in the early days of his and dan feng's relationship, he'd been irregular as anything—sometimes twice a month, sometimes three months without, sometimes triggered by dan feng's rut and sometimes triggering it in turn. it was normal, of course, it only meant they were still getting used to each other.

but that was then. now—and for the last four or five years, even, before they were married—it's come monthly, every twenty-eight days like clockwork. that's how aphelios knows he's ready, both in body and in heart, and why he'd brought up to dan feng the idea of trying to conceive. ]

I'm home. [ he calls out from the foyer as he hangs up his coat and bag. barefoot, phel makes his way through the apartment, following his body's instinctive awareness of his mate's presence until he's standing at the edge of their sunken nest.

looking down at dan feng, aphelios takes him in: his long hair soft and loose, his posture at once relaxed and perfectly precise. the steady rise and fall of his chest, the fold of his legs... and the silk bundle in his lap, translucent fabric just barely revealing the pearlescent shells of the eggs he's holding. ]

Oh, [ aphelios breathes out. he steps carefully down into the nest, then kneels in front of dan feng and rests his hands gently on his husband's knees. already he can feel the stirring inside him that speaks to his body's awakening, his readiness, his willingness to bear for this wonderful man. ] They're beautiful...

[loong]

[ he hears aphelios arrive, but does not yet open his eyes. instead he focuses on his breathing, inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly, but when his husband speaks his luminous eyes slowly open, the feathered tip of his tail flicking against a nearby cushion. aphelios looks as lovely as he always does, and dan feng's expression softens to see him, some of his flared nerves beginning to settle.

this will be all right. everything will be all right. even if the eggs do not take.. they will still be all right. ]

Welcome home.

[ he says gently, before glancing down toward the eggs nested comfortably in his lap, iridescent even through the sheer silk that holds them. with a soft, muted smile, he drags his fingertips over their soft exteriors. a heat is beginning to rise up his throat and into his ears, his body already responding to his mate's flickering interest. ]

I'm glad you think so. They're for you, after all.

[heartsteel]

[ they will be. it's worth trying, to aphelios—even if it doesn't take the first time, they'll be okay. they can try again. he wants this so badly, after all... they both do.

he meets dan feng's gaze and returns his smile, soft and warm. just watching the way dan feng's fingertips trail along the soft shells of the eggs is enough to make aphelios shiver with anticipation, some combination of the rising heat inside him with his deep, abiding love for the dragon before him.

he taps dan feng's knee lightly and signs, ] Should I make any special preparations?

[ he trusts dan feng implicitly in this, and will do whatever his husband guides him to do. if he should bathe, or something else... aphelios has of course noticed all of the ways in which dan feng has already prepared their space, so he's asking more after any rituals or anything he should do, himself. ]

My body is already... [ his gestures trail off as he waves vaguely toward his lower half. the physical change had come the night before, so at least he's ready in that regard. ]

[spongebob title card voice] four weeks later

[heartsteel]

[ every kemmering since he and dan feng started dating—or at least since his cycle evened out—has gone like this: once a month, aphelios goes to bed with a cock and wakes up with a pussy. he goes to work that day, puts in for the next three days off, wraps up and hands off anything urgent, and makes it home in the evening just before the heat begins to overtake him. mostly, dan feng takes care of him; sometimes, he takes care of it himself; always, he's sexually exhausted by the time that three days later he goes to sleep with a pussy and wakes up with a cock again. rinse, repeat. rinse, repeat.

not this time, though. this time, aphelios wakes up on the fourth day, slides a hand between his legs and finds his cunt still right where he left it. the same on the fifth day, and on the sixth day—and so on, and so forth. the days progress. aphelios goes back to work, because he can't not go back to work on account of not having his dick back. and he refuses to get his hopes up, because he knows how difficult this is going to be—he can only assume that it's a response to the presence of the eggs in his womb, that maybe it takes longer for them to be absorbed back into him if they don't take, that his body is just making accommodations for that process.

but then ten days pass, and fourteen. some of the initial swelling has gone down, but his belly is still a little rounder than usual, and as they approach twenty days and then thirty without any changes, aphelios starts to get—nervous. or, well, not nervous, but also not not nervous—anticipatory, at least, enough so that he sometimes wakes up a little nauseated, and he's sleepy all the time, and he can't stop eating those steamed bamboo snacks they sell at the kiosk outside the company building.

so on day thirty-two since the start of phel's last kemmer, he buys a pregnancy test, pees on it in the master bathroom, and then sits on the edge of the tub with his head in his hands as he waits all five thousand years that it takes for those five minutes to pass. ]

[loong]

[ dan feng has done his very best not to dwell on the possibility of their pregnancy.

which means, naturally, that he is thinking about it nearly every moment of every day. he tries, at least, not to continuously ask after aphelios' health, knowing full well how annoying it will get after a certain point of fussing, but he still goes out of his way to spoil him nonetheless, and to treat him gently. the swelling in his stomach has only slightly receded, which seems like a good sign, but.. they're in fresh new territory here. who knows how long it could take for the eggs to reabsorb if they don't take? there are very few vidyadhara on this world, and he's willing to bet that most of them haven't attempted to breed.

nevertheless, life goes on, and they wait. all they really can do is wait. it's excruciating, but necessary, and each day crawls into the next.

at the moment, dan feng is in his study gently plucking his guqin, the sound of its music drifting through the whole of the penthouse. he's taken to playing more often lately, it calms him even when his meditation cannot, the sound of it and the movement of his hands soothing as he plays. it's a lovely song, the sound of the strings pleasing on the ears, and his body sways along with the gentle waves of the music.

even when he hears his husband come home, dan feng continues to play, knowing full well that aphelios wouldn't want him to interrupt the music on his behalf. only when he hears rapidly approaching footsteps does dan feng open his eyes again, and lift his head. ]

Aphelios?

[heartsteel]

[ five thousand years pass, and finally the timer on aphelios' phone goes off.

he can't look immediately, and so for another minute it's schroedinger's pregnancy. if it's negative, he'll cry; if it's positive he'll also cry, but for different reasons, and the fear of wanting desperately for it to say yes only to see it say no keeps him paralyzed on the edge of the tub for a long while until he finally forces himself to move. to stand up, to reach for the test, to lift it up and then finally to lay his eyes on—

two pink lines, parallel to each other, standing out bold as anything.

from the music that greeted him when he came home from the pharmacy, aphelios knows that dan feng is in his study, and so it's to dan feng's study that aphelios makes a beeline now. normally, phel wouldn't interrupt—he loves dan feng's music, and loves how meditative an exercise it is for him—but somehow he thinks dan feng will forgive him this once.

he pushes the study door open, test still clutched in his hand, manages a choked, ] A-Feng— [ and then flings himself directly into dan feng's chest, where he bursts into sobs.

of course, almost immediately aphelios is aware that he's probably scaring the hell out of his husband. the words won't come for the tears, though, so all he can do is hold the test up, clutching it so that dan feng can see the markers for positive, clear as anything. he presses it into dan feng's hand—then immediately snatches it back, and finally manages to say through his sniffling, mostly coherent but feeling very much overwhelmed, ] Don't touch that, I peed on it...

[heartsteel]

[ early afternoon on a friday, three or four weeks after the appointment where they'd learned that aphelios is carrying twins, phel takes the train home from work before dan feng is due to arrive. on most days, it's dan feng who arrives first, and phel who gets caught up in something and doesn't leave until dinnertime, but today, phel kicks his shoes off in the foyer of a totally empty house.

it's a little weird, only for how uncommon it is, but aphelios doesn't mind—dan feng is serious about his work, and aphelios loves that about him, after all. so he takes advantage of the solitude to do some chores: throws in a load of laundry, runs the dishwasher, does some cleaning in their master bathroom. nothing strenuous, but little things he can help with that will take some of the load off his husband, who has already been picking up more of their household tasks so aphelios doesn't have to.

once everything is either cleaned or running, phel hops in the shower. he only means to rinse quickly, promise—to make sure he's not letting any cleaning chemicals linger—but once he's washed up, well... if the heat and steam start to get to him, can you really blame him? he's so sensitive these days, it sometimes feels like all it would take is a few purposeful strokes of his fingers over his clit to bring him to orgasm from nothing at all.

he slips a hand between his thighs and rubs his fingers over his soft, wet folds, catches his clit between two fingers to tease at it gently. even that little stimulation is enough to make his knees weak—and then, aphelios has an idea. it's almost time for dan feng to come home... in fact, he's probably in the car on his way back already. so there's no harm in making sure he knows what'll be here waiting for him when he arrives, right?

still, aphelios can't help a little noise of disappointment as he withdraws his hand from between his legs. he flips off the water, towel dries quickly, and then wraps himself up in a soft, flowy robe as he goes to sit on one of the large, soft armchairs in the living room. there, he calls dan feng, puts his phone on speaker, and balances it on the side table next to his chair. ]

Baby~ [ he sing-songs when dan feng picks up. ] Where are you?

[loong]

[ the weeks climb forward, and while dan feng is still maintaining carefully tempered expectations, the more time passes and aphelios' belly grows, the more hope builds that this is going to work. their babies are healthy and strong, with good heartbeats, steadily growing. aphelios is a champion when it comes to taking care of himself, allowing dan feng to keep him on a strict regimen of pre-natal vitamins and healthy foods, and their growing children are thriving for it, and the longer the pregnancy goes on, the better their chances become that aphelios will carry to full term.

so dan feng is in rather high spirits overall, even if he's being a bit of a helicopter husband, fussing over aphelios every day to be sure that he's feeling well, and taking care of himself. even his coworkers have noticed the slight change in his demeanor, how he's a little less distant, a little less cool toward them. nevertheless, the weekend approaches, and dan feng is more than eager to get home to a few days off with his beautifully pregnant husband, so when the phone rings, he picks it up immediately, sure that aphelios likely wants him to swing by the grocery store to pick up idk hummus and ice cream or something.

the singsong tone of his voice has dan feng smiling immediately. ]

Hello, my heart. [ he says softly, the sound of aphelios' voice coming through the speakers of the vehicle, so he can keep his hands on the wheel. ] I've just left, I'll be home soon. Do you need me to pick something up for you?

[ he's more than willing, willing to do anything for his husband, whatever he needs, whenever he needs it. ]

[heartsteel]

[ he is a helicopter husband, but aphelios loves him for that, too. he always knew dan feng would be like this, even before they decided to try for a family—he's so deeply adoring, so thoughtful and caring, there was never a chance he wouldn't be the perfect partner in ensuring that aphelios has everything he needs. after all, he'd been this way even for colds and flus—with something as significant as their children, of course he would be dedicated.

when dan feng answers the phone, aphelios can almost hear the smile in his voice, and it brings a smile to his own face too even as he slouches down a little on the armchair to bring his face closer to the speaker. one of his legs drapes over the chair's arm, letting his robe fall to the sides. ]

No, sweetheart, I'm okay. I just wanted to know if you were on your way. [ gods, he loves dan feng so much. of course he'd offer to divert to the store for whatever aphelios dreams of. ] I got home early and did the laundry and dishes... cleaned the bathroom...

[ he hums a soft laugh, trailing his fingers up his inner thigh. his skin sparks sensitive under his touch, and when his fingers reach the apex of his thighs he brushes them over his clit, too, earning a soft gasp and then a hum. ]

I took a shower, but then I started thinking about you. [ a little more firmly, aphelios presses his fingers against his sensitive clit and starts to rub slow circles, the stimulation enough to make his voice tight with pleasure as he speaks. ] And now I'm really, really horny... so I just wanted to give you a taste of what's waiting for you when you get here.

the first time!!

[loong]

[ honestly, dan feng had never considered the idea of dating again.

why would he? after yingxing - well, suffice it to say, he does not consider himself dating material. but aphelios has been extremely persistent, and while dan feng finds him incredibly cute, and they get along very well, he had been resistant - not because he doesn't feel similarly, but because he's got a laundry list of baggage, and not to mention, he's vidyadhara. most people write him off as a partner for that all but immediately, if they want children in their future. he was content living the life he'd been living.

but now, well.. now aphelios has wormed his way beneath dan feng's defenses, and begun to carve for himself a place in his heart. the first date went well, and the second, even better. they'd kissed when he dropped aphelios off at home again, and it was the first kiss he'd experienced in centuries. it was nice. it was more than nice. now, two more dates later, they're drinking wine in dan feng's penthouse terrace, overlooking the city lights in spring, sharing a long sofa, yet sitting close. closer than they'd initially been sitting.

maybe it's the wine, maybe it's the warmth of aphelios' consistent proximity these days, but dan feng is feeling confident, and while the attraction between them took a little bit of time to warm up on his end, there's no doubting its presence now. aphelios looks lovely beneath the moonlight, lit by several surrounding torches, and dan feng finds himself soon leaning in close, nudging his nose alongside phel's cheek, breath gusting against his ear. ]

You were lovely tonight, when we danced.

[heartsteel]

[ maybe it's the wine going to his head, but aphelios can't stop himself from leaning ever-so-slightly into dan feng's side, even though he knows he's being forward. dan feng runs cool, or at least cooler than aphelios, but the place where phel's knee rests against dan feng's thigh feels warm, as does the place where their shoulders press together—so warm that they're distracting, in fact, even though aphelios is trying to behave.

the first night aphelios had laid eyes on dan feng, all those months ago at the company mixers, it had been dan feng's ethereal looks that caught phel's attention. his tall stature and broad shoulders, his long dark hair, his pointed ears—stunning, every inch of him. but what aphelios has also come to realize since he began his pursuit of dan feng in earnest is this: dan feng's appearance is only a fraction of what makes him so beautiful.

dan feng is kind, and thoughtful, a perfect gentleman even when aphelios would rather he not be. he considers aphelios' words and ideas with a steadiness that makes him feel seen. his focus, turned entirely on aphelios, is devastating in its clarity. he's so wonderful that the longer aphelios chases him, the more he feels like—someone like him has no right to even be mentioned in the same breath as dan feng, and yet also like there's nothing he wants more than to see dan feng smile, a rare sight but a beautiful one.

that dan feng had wanted to kiss him at the end of their second date feels like nothing less than a miracle. aphelios knows of the vidyadhara, of course, knows of their long, long lifespans and their trouble with procreation. he knows that long-term, he might not be at all what dan feng wants or needs. but for the chance to spend whatever time he can at dan feng's side, aphelios is willing to take that risk. ]

So were you. [ the press of dan feng's nose against his cheek makes aphelios laugh, and he turns his face just a little, enough that he can feel dan feng's breath against his mouth but not quite enough to close the distance for a kiss. ] But then again you're always breathtaking.

[loong]

[ at that, dan feng chuckles. ]

I wasn't fishing for a compliment.

[ but aphelios knows that, he's sure. nevertheless, when phel turns his head to grin his way, dan feng becomes immediately aware of how very close they are, their shoulders and thighs pressed together, aphelios' warm breath gusting against his lips. dan feng's heart skips, leaping up into his throat; he inhales deeply.

how long has it been since he's felt this way? hundreds of years. not since his youth. aphelios makes him feel like a foolish young man again, giddy with warm and addictive infatuation, something he thought he was far, far beyond. dan feng sees attractive people every day, and never looks twice at them, but aphelios has sunk his wicked little hooks in with relative ease, and all it took was a bit of annoying persistence, which dan feng is now terribly grateful for.

shifting in his seat, dan feng downs the last of his wine, then sets the glass aside, which frees up his hand to brush the hair back from phel's cheek, tucking it behind his ear, wanting an excuse to touch him. he's comfortably warmed by the alcohol, and while he's a confident man to begin with, the little extra boost is always helpful. with his gaze searching aphelios', watching the glint of moonlight off of his eyes, the pull between them magnetic. ]

Aphelios - I fear I'm feeling a bit reckless tonight.

[heartsteel]

[ bell pepper, and whatever snacks aphelios lays eyes on and decides he needs immediately—that's the entirety of shopping list that aphelios brings with him when he dresses and takes the elevator down to the ground floor. the grocery store isn't far away, and he doesn't feel a need to drive—while, at 24 weeks, aphelios is certainly, like, real obviously pregnant, he's not quite so pregnant that he can't take a brisk walk in the neighborhood to go pick up some groceries. in fact, as the obgyn keeps telling him, walking around as much as he can while he still can is good for the babies! so, off he goes, walking down the street toward the neighborhood mart.

the bell peppers are the easiest to find; phel picks up three, just for a little color variety. after that it's all about the snacks, babey, so he takes his sweet time wandering up and down the two aisles of snacks, looking for anything sweet or salty that calls out to him.

truthfully, aphelios has been pretty lucky in terms of pregnancy cravings. he's had the fixation on steamed bamboo shoots, sure, and he has been pretty fixated on bagels with chive cream ccheese... but he hasn't wanted anything too out there, like pickles and peanut butter or jelly and mayo sandwiches or whatever. he has, however, been very into salty snacks recently, so ultimately he chooses a bag of shrimp chips and some pretzels to go with the ranch dip he got the last time dan feng gave him unfettered access to his credit card. ]

[loong]

[ that he happens to run into aphelios is a complete accident.

of course, being on this planet in the first place is anything but. he's tracked dan feng here. it's taken him quite some time, for he hadn't known at first that he had been released from the shackling prison at all, and there were no available records (that he was able to access) as to where his erstwhile lover had ended up. it was as if dan feng had simply left the cosmos in its entirety.

but blade never gave up. he never forgot. though his hands now ache and his body keens with constant pain, he could not let go of his vendette. what had once been endless love and devotion has twisted into something darker, a bloody, vicious hatred that will not cease, that chews at the shattered remnants of his soul without cease. but now.. now he's so close he can all but taste it. dan feng will not escape this time.

by complete happenstance, he passes a young man on the street, a young man wearing an achingly familiar red tasseled earring that immediately catches his eye, the sight of it like a knife to the gut.

silent as the grave, blade follows along behind, slipping into the shop a few minutes after the young man disappears inside. his heart is pounding. is this the opening he has finally been waiting for? breathing deeply, blade centers himself, then walks into the shop, stalking the aisles until he finds him again - the one with teal hair, and, now that he's closer and not behind him, a.. very pregnant belly. surely that doesn't mean anything, blade knows full well that vidyadhara cannot breed, yet still it fills him with a silent, frothing rage. no flicker of this feeling shows in his expression, however, as he approaches with a smile. ]

I'm sorry to interrupt. [ his voice is rough, deep, but calm. ] I can't help but notice that earring of yours..

[ how similar it looks to his own. ]

[heartsteel]

[ mid-reach for the pretzels, aphelios hears a deep voice speak and realizes he hadn't even noticed someone approaching. blame it on pregnancy brain, which he's come to realize is super real—aphelios is ordinarily much more observant than that. he snags his pretzels and drops them in the basket, then turns to face the man, giving him a warm smile. ]

My earring? [ he reaches up to touch it, the red tassel hanging from his ear. ] Oh, this? It's my husband's. I don't know where it's from or anything like that, I just borrowed it from his jewelry box.

[ he'd spent the early afternoon tidying and rearranging their dresser, including their respective boxes of miscellaneous jewelry. even though aphelios knows that "nesting" probably won't start in earnest for another ten weeks or so, he's been using the term to refer to the little ways he's tried to keep himself busy at home—with dan feng taking on so much more of the heavy-duty housework in an effort to reduce the stress and strain on aphelios' body, he's needed to feel useful in some small way, at least. ]

[loong]

[ it's not easy, getting aphelios alone. now that he has revealed himself, dan feng is on high alert, which means that getting to either of them is difficult. but that's all right, he waits, he watches, he learns their routines and takes note of the guards.

he's not worried about them, really, but he'd rather this not be any messier than it needs to be, so instead he bides his time. drawing dan feng out is the goal here, and he knows his erstwhile lover will not reveal himself unless absolutely necessary, which means getting that pretty little pregnant husband of his under his thumb. there's a small, vicious, bitter part of himself that also wants aphelios to suffer for daring to find the happiness that was supposed to be his, theirs, a bitter flavor that won't leave the back of his tongue always reminding him. dan feng doesn't deserve this happiness. he deserves death, as he should have gotten all those years ago.

so he waits, and soon enough his time comes. it's a day like any other, only this time when aphelios slips off to the washroom, he doesn't have a guard with him. surely he thinks it's safe in this building, that just going around the corner will be fine, but the moment aphelios emerges from the bathroom, blade is there, ready, shard sword unsheathed and pointed, its wickedly sharp tip aimed straight at that heavy stomach. ]

Scream, and I'll run them through.

[ his voice is rough, his expression hard, sharp, none of that earlier politeness lingers in his tone, only malice and rage and burning, churning mara. still, he's calm, his fiery eyes meeting aphelios' own. ]

To the private elevator. Quietly.

[heartsteel]

[ it was aphelios' foolishness that started this, and in the end it's aphelios' foolishness that finishes it, too.

it's stupid. the bathroom is just around the corner, and aphelios doesn't need a bodyguard to listen to him pee—least of all because, at 28 weeks pregnant, he has to pee like every five minutes. so he goes alone to do his business, and he thinks he's safe, until he emerges from the stall and finds blade waiting for him, his naked sword sharp and wicked as it points directly at aphelios' stomach.

on instinct, he covers his belly with both hands, knowing even as he does it that it would be no use. against a blade like that, his hands would be little more than meat to slice through. ]

I won't scream. [ despite the panic welling up bitter in the back of his throat, aphelios keeps his voice level and his shoulders set. he has been trained for this. he might be absent his moonstone weapons, but he knows how to read a threat, how to keep a cool head in a hot situation. and he knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if he screams right now blade will run him through. ] It's out and to the left.

[ fuck, he doesn't even have his cell phone—it's in the backpack he left with the guard in the lobby before he came to the bathroom. stupid, stupid, stupid. ]

I'll go. Just—don't hurt them.

[loong]

Good.

[ to be honest, running aphelios through is tempting, anyway. he doesn't need to take him hostage. if he kills him, blade knows full well that dan feng will respond immediately, blazing with fury and grief, which would give him the chance to take him down.

and yet.. he chooses this more complicated method instead, perhaps because he is not so cruel as to kill a pregnant man in cold blood when there are other methods to attain what he wants. in the end, this is about getting to dan feng, he has no reason to kill aphelios or the children, tempting though it might be, for all their presence stings him. blade's only goal is dan feng. he will leave it at that.

still, he keeps his blade at aphelios' back as they walk, quietly and surreptitiously, toward the private elevator, for which only the highest ranked have a key. it will take them down the building quickly and without interruption, and by the time the guards discover aphelios' absence, they will be gone. the ride down is in chilly silence, and when the doors smoothly open to the parking garage, blade directs him to a nearby vehicle. ]

In.

[heartsteel]

[ on the morning that jing yuan is due to arrive, aphelios leans against the doorway into the bathroom while dan feng is getting ready for the day. he watches, quiet and fond, as his husband brushes out his hair, pins it back, and sets about fastening his cufflinks and the remaining buttons of his shirt. in the two intervening weeks following blade's death, dan feng has been quieter than usual—not withdrawn, exactly, he's far too dedicated a husband and soon-to-be father to pull away from aphelios entirely, but it's clear that his role in his old lover's death is weighing heavily on his heart.

for his own part, aphelios has tried to be supportive, to give dan feng space and comfort in turns—for his emotional healing, yes, but also for his physical healing from the toll their battle took on him. he's taken some of their household tasks out of dan feng's hands to allow him time to rest and recuperate. it's only now, barely, that dan feng seems to be physically more or less recovered, at least insofar as aphelios is able to sense the hum of his cloudhymn beneath his skin—the emotional wounds, though, will take much longer to heal.

that's why aphelios is glad jing yuan will be here soon. his comfort is one thing, but the comfort and understanding of someone who knew yingxing, who loved him too... for once, aphelios can't find it in himself to even play at being jealous. ]

Are you sure you want me to come with?

[ he comes into the bathroom and turns dan feng to look at him so aphelios can finish buttoning up his shirt, his hands moving carefully as he smooths wrinkles out of the collar. when he's done, aphelios cups dan feng's face lightly in both hands and pushes up on his toes to kiss his husband's forehead. ]

Be honest, baby. I don't mind staying home if you'd rather see Jing Yuan on your own.

[loong]

[ if he is honest with himself, dan feng's recovery - both physically and emotionally - has gone far more slowly than he had hoped it would. usually his cloudhymn would be more than enough to heal his bodily wounds quickly, but he'd eaten through so much of it in his fight against yingxing that there had been none left to spare, and he had had to rely instead on his natural regeneration.

that, however, was the easy part. learning to live with his guilt and grief was much, much more difficult. after the sedition, and everything that came with it, dan feng had thought that he knew how to handle pain and loss, or at least that he had felt so much of it that he would perhaps be numb to any further heartache.. but he had been wrong. losing yingxing hurt just as much as losing baiheng had, hurt just as much as the quartet's fracturing, and dan feng's subsequent punishment.

perhaps it hurts even more, for it was by his own hand that blade had been killed.

but he has done his best to press onward. aphelios needs him, their children are on the way.. what time is there to grieve? yet, his husband has been by his side without fail, supporting him even when he felt that he did not need or deserve it, loving him despite it all, despite his terrible flaws. even now, aphelios is with him, touching his face so sweetly. offering a tired smile, he closes his eyes, then shakes his head. ]

No, I want you there. I need you there. [ he understands where aphelios is coming from, but.. he needs him by his side. ] Besides.. I want him to see you. To see them.

[ his hands fall, pressing gently to aphelios' belly. ]

[heartsteel]

[ for a moment, aphelios just strokes his thumbs lightly over dan feng's cheekbones. he studies dan feng's expression, the sorrow and exhaustion in his eyes, and yet still a flicker of hope, of happiness when his hands come to rest on aphelios' belly. that's enough—it's enough, for phel, to know that dan feng can still feel a measure of joy when he thinks about their children and the family they're starting together. ]

Okay. I'm with you all the way.

[ he leans in to give dan feng another kiss, pressed to his lips this time, and then drops his hands to cover dan feng's with them, pressing against the curve of his stomach between them. as frustrating as it sometimes is to not be able to hug dan feng properly without their kids in the way, aphelios can't help that it makes him happy to be reminded of the little lives growing inside him, so close to being ready to meet the world.

after a moment, aphelios pulls away so he can get ready too. there was a time when it took aphelios a fraction of the time to get ready that it takes dan feng; now they're about even, mostly because aphelios has to do everything slowly, up to and including sitting down on the edge of their bed to put his pants on. but soon enough, he's dressed and ready, joining dan feng in the living room and sliding his hand into his husband's. ]

Let's get going, baby.

[loong]

[ frog catching. it sounds quite messy. but for aphelios, he will make the attempt, on behalf of his poor, very pregnant husband, who can barely bend to catch even a single frog.

they've driven to the outskirts of the city, to a winding creek that cuts through the wetlands. it is humid, and clouds of gnats and mosquitoes pester them, but the weather is lovely and the evening approaches, painting the sky in the brilliant hues of oncoming sunset. it's cool, but not cold, and the breeze feels nice on his skin.

dan feng has.. not entirely dressed the part. things like sweatpants and jeans do not suit him, so his creased slacks are tucked into tall boots as he searches through the tall grasses, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up. his long hair, at least, is tied back to keep it out of the way, tied into a messy knot at the back of his head. his gloves are stripped off and tucked into his pocket, for apparently half of the fun of catching frogs is the slimy feel of them wriggling in your hands.

dan feng does not entirely agree, but he will endure, for the sake of his beloved. glancing up from where he's pushing aside a handful of reeds, he looks toward aphelios, who stands nearer to the water where the land is easier to navigate. ]

Have you seen any yet, my love?

[heartsteel]

[ it is indeed quite messy, and that's the point! or—well, honestly, that's not entirely the point. the point is mostly to get out of the city a little bit, and to spend some quality time together, since this is likely the last chance they'll have to take even a short vacation together before the twins arrive. they'd been given strict instructions by the obgyn when aphelios pitched the trip as an idea: no flying, no farther than an hour away from the hospital, nowhere that doesn't have reliable cell service. but, she had added, the closer aphelios gets to his due date, the more important it is for him to stay active, and spending some time out of the city where the air is clean and the roads are walkable wouldn't be entirely a bad idea.

but also, yes, part of the point is to get messy. dan feng is always so wholly put together, rarely a hair out of place except in those few precious moments when he's just woken up or in the afterglow of their lovemaking—so his willingness to roll up his sleeves and play in the creek with phel is all the more endearing.

standing on the edge of the creek, with one hand supporting his lower back and the other resting on his belly, aphelios calls back, ] Not yet, but I can definitely hear them!

[ the sun is just starting to set, painting the edges of the sky a beautiful, creamy orange and pink, and the cicadas and frogs are starting to sing in the grasses. aphelios closes his eyes, deeply content, and breathes in the cool, dry air of early autumn, the wet mud scent of the wetlands—the smell of his childhood, spent barefoot and tanned in the lunari compound not too far south of here, chasing birds and catching frogs until the elders came out to call him and alune home.

the memory makes his heart twinge once, and then again when aphelios opens his eyes to watch dan feng duck down again in search of the little mud frogs that hide in the reeds on the banks of the creek. ]

It takes patience, [ aphelios says with a laugh. he wades a little further into the creek, letting the cool water run around his ankles, although not too far, since he knows dan feng will have something to say about it. ] Come over here, watch with me for a little bit.

[heartsteel]

[ dan feng, aphelios knows, is not really into the idea of halloween. he barely even likes to dress down to lounge around the house—there was never a chance that phel was going to be able to convince him to wear a costume to the company halloween party. in fact, phel considers it a huge victory that he'd convinced dan feng to let him clip little devil horns into his hair on either side of his head, a tiny little addition to make it clear ("clear") that aphelios and dan feng are, at least in theory, supposed to be matching.

unlike dan feng, aphelios loves halloween. he loves dressing up, loves a silly costume, loves to look cute and eat candy on the company's dime. and that's why he's dressed up the way he is, as a demon-slash-incubus in deep blacks and rich blues that match the tones of dan feng's clip-in horns and his hair. aphelios' outfit, however, is far more involved: skintight black leather pants that hug his thighs and make his ass look delectable, a cropped top with a fitted lower hem and flowy sleeves that leaves his shoulders bare, a pair of boots with just enough heel to make his legs look miles long. and then, of course, the accessories: midnight-blue glitter dusted across his shoulders, smoky eyeliner, and a set of gold body jewelry, delicate chains that wrap around his neck and drape over his collarbones, circle his waist and dangle just below his navel.

on a technicality, the outfit covers everything it's supposed to in order to make it work-appropriate, but aphelios isn't here to pretend he doesn't look hot as fuck. ]

Hi, you. [ appearing at dan feng's side, aphelios lifts a cup up to him in offering. it's a cocktail from the open bar, something fruity and not too sweet, reminiscent of the wine they drank the first night they slept together. aphelios slips up against dan feng's side and leans in to ghost a kiss over the perfect rise of his cheekbone, astonished as ever that despite putting minimal effort in to his halloween "costume," dan feng has still managed to be the most captivating person in attendance. ] Are you having a good time?

[ there's a hesitance to the question that makes it genuine, and a real, open curiosity in aphelios' expression as he looks up at dan feng. although they've been together for a few months now, they're not quite at the point yet where aphelios can read dan feng's every mood just by looking at his face. ]

[loong]

[ the things that dan feng does for love..

while aphelios was not able to wrangle dan feng into a full costume, the little devil horns clipped beside his natural horns are still flashy enough to count, he thinks. it'll have to be enough. aside from the horns, he wears simple black slacks and a black shirt with red trimmings, rolled up to his elbows, revealing the smooth bluegreen scales that pattern his forearms and the backs of his hands. at aphelios' insistence he has left the top two buttons undone, but that's about as risque as dan feng is willing to be.

unlike aphelios who, in those skintight pants of his, draws enough attention to make dan feng quietly seethe, casting sharp gazes toward anyone who looks at his partner's ass for a moment too long (any amount of time is a moment too long). but he lets aphelios have his fun, darting around to speak with the other members of heartsteel, schmoozing with investors, laughing with the dj, and overall lighting up the room with his presence. dan feng hangs back, chatting idly here and there but keeping mostly to himself, absorbing the atmosphere. the xianzhou had plenty of festivals of their own, but nothing quite like this.

when aphelios manifests at his side again, dan feng offers him a muted smile. one hand takes the cocktail, while the other settles at phel's hip. ]

It's a little noisy. Not as bad as I had expected, however.