loong | i want that can't sleep love

i want that can't sleep love

[ truth be told, dan feng is a little bit nervous.

they've been waiting to try this for quite a long time, after all, and with the kemmering finally approaching, well.. what better opportunity could there be? his mate's heat will stimulate dan feng's own rut, they'll both be at their most fertile, there's no reason not to at least give it a chance. no reason to be pessimistic, however low the chances might be. if they don't try, the chances will always be zero.

dan feng has made everything as comfortable for them as possible. their shared sprawling penthouse is clean, dinner is prepared, and anything they could possibly need or want is laid out. he's cleared out a space in their sunken common area, and lined it with thick blankets, pillows and cushions, like a nest, so they can be close to the kitchen and bathroom if necessary, and they can enjoy the view of the city together. there's even a bottle of white wine chilling in a silver bucket on a low table, beside two glasses.

he's dressed lightly, in simple hanfu, one pale green robe with a sash, his feet bare and his hair loose, all ornaments and jewelry removed and laid aside.

when aphelios arrives home, he will find dan feng sitting comfortably in the nest in the half lotus position, eyes closed as he meditates, eyes closed, and in his lap.. are several soft, beautiful, pearlescent eggs wrapped in silk, and kept close to absorb his warmth. he breathes deeply, calming and centering himself as he waits. ]

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[ it's not easy, getting aphelios alone. now that he has revealed himself, dan feng is on high alert, which means that getting to either of them is difficult. but that's all right, he waits, he watches, he learns their routines and takes note of the guards.

he's not worried about them, really, but he'd rather this not be any messier than it needs to be, so instead he bides his time. drawing dan feng out is the goal here, and he knows his erstwhile lover will not reveal himself unless absolutely necessary, which means getting that pretty little pregnant husband of his under his thumb. there's a small, vicious, bitter part of himself that also wants aphelios to suffer for daring to find the happiness that was supposed to be his, theirs, a bitter flavor that won't leave the back of his tongue always reminding him. dan feng doesn't deserve this happiness. he deserves death, as he should have gotten all those years ago.

so he waits, and soon enough his time comes. it's a day like any other, only this time when aphelios slips off to the washroom, he doesn't have a guard with him. surely he thinks it's safe in this building, that just going around the corner will be fine, but the moment aphelios emerges from the bathroom, blade is there, ready, shard sword unsheathed and pointed, its wickedly sharp tip aimed straight at that heavy stomach. ]

Scream, and I'll run them through.

[ his voice is rough, his expression hard, sharp, none of that earlier politeness lingers in his tone, only malice and rage and burning, churning mara. still, he's calm, his fiery eyes meeting aphelios' own. ]

To the private elevator. Quietly.

[ it was aphelios' foolishness that started this, and in the end it's aphelios' foolishness that finishes it, too.

it's stupid. the bathroom is just around the corner, and aphelios doesn't need a bodyguard to listen to him pee—least of all because, at 28 weeks pregnant, he has to pee like every five minutes. so he goes alone to do his business, and he thinks he's safe, until he emerges from the stall and finds blade waiting for him, his naked sword sharp and wicked as it points directly at aphelios' stomach.

on instinct, he covers his belly with both hands, knowing even as he does it that it would be no use. against a blade like that, his hands would be little more than meat to slice through. ]

I won't scream. [ despite the panic welling up bitter in the back of his throat, aphelios keeps his voice level and his shoulders set. he has been trained for this. he might be absent his moonstone weapons, but he knows how to read a threat, how to keep a cool head in a hot situation. and he knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if he screams right now blade will run him through. ] It's out and to the left.

[ fuck, he doesn't even have his cell phone—it's in the backpack he left with the guard in the lobby before he came to the bathroom. stupid, stupid, stupid. ]

I'll go. Just—don't hurt them.

Good.

[ to be honest, running aphelios through is tempting, anyway. he doesn't need to take him hostage. if he kills him, blade knows full well that dan feng will respond immediately, blazing with fury and grief, which would give him the chance to take him down.

and yet.. he chooses this more complicated method instead, perhaps because he is not so cruel as to kill a pregnant man in cold blood when there are other methods to attain what he wants. in the end, this is about getting to dan feng, he has no reason to kill aphelios or the children, tempting though it might be, for all their presence stings him. blade's only goal is dan feng. he will leave it at that.

still, he keeps his blade at aphelios' back as they walk, quietly and surreptitiously, toward the private elevator, for which only the highest ranked have a key. it will take them down the building quickly and without interruption, and by the time the guards discover aphelios' absence, they will be gone. the ride down is in chilly silence, and when the doors smoothly open to the parking garage, blade directs him to a nearby vehicle. ]

In.

[ there's a moment, as they exit the bathroom, that aphelios hopes—hopes against hope that the security guard will sense something amiss and turn to look at them. but of course, that would be too easy. they're quiet enough, and the lobby is loud enough, that the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing is obscured under other ambient noise, and aphelios and blade make their way to the private elevator without interruption.

the silence that fills the elevator as it descends into the bowels of the building is both icy and desperate. aphelios' mind runs a mile a minute, trying to think of what options he has—without his cell phone, he can't call the police, can't call dan feng, can't contact anyone. it would likely be unwise to try and flag someone down from the car, too, assuming blade intends to put him in a car; for one, it would be obvious, and for two, what would they even do?

blade's voice rings out in the silence of the parking lot, making aphelios jump and sending his hands to his belly again on instinct. ]

Okay! Okay. [ and in he goes. carefully, because aphelios wasn't kidding when he told dan feng it takes him ages to get up and down these days, but he does climb into the car, lets blade close the door—and then fastens his seatbelt, although the gesture seems odd and almost futile, considering.

it's only when they've peeled out of the garage and gotten onto one of the main arterial streets that aphelios swallows hard and chances a question: ] Where are you taking me?

[ things go smoothly, and though aphelios takes frustratingly long to get into the car, they're nevertheless gone without much fanfare, slipping away and out of the parking garage without issue. surely there will be cameras on them, but by the time anyone sees them, it will be too late.

when aphelios speaks, blade frowns. ]

Out of the city.

[ there's no reason not to tell him. this isn't a very intricate operation. dan feng would not fight him in the city, and besides, blade may be an interstellar fugitive, but he has no interest in killing civilians if at all possible. he knows how powerful the previous high elder is, how easily his force could level the surrounding area. better that they have open space.

of course, he's vulnerable to attack as he drives, but he's counting on the fact that aphelios' priority will be the babies. that he wouldn't risk them in a fight. ]

Keep quiet and do as you're told and you won't be harmed. It isn't you that I'm after.

[ in a moving car without a weapon? absolutely not. although aphelios entertains fantasies of being able to pummel blade bloody and walk away from all of this, he knows better than to think any of them could become a reality.

still, "out of the city" is a clue. it's not a very good clue, but it does give phel a sense of where they're likely to drive—the city is large, but they're closer to the western edge than the east. their current direction seems roughly southwest, which is a good sign too—southwest of the city takes them in the direction of the lunari temple, as well as their priestess, alune.

although some fraction of blade's words is reassuring, assuming that they're true, the rest of them send ice down aphelios' spine. wherever they're going, blade will probably call dan feng, will tell him that he has aphelios as a hostage—and there is no world in which dan feng won't come for him. even at great personal cost, no matter the risk to himself, dan feng will come, and he'll fight for aphelios, his husband, the love of his life, carrying his children. dan feng will come, even if it kills him.

sharply, phel turns his face toward the window and presses his hand to his mouth to bite back a sob. he closes his eyes, hot with unshed tears, and focuses all the energy he can on sending a message to alune as they grow closer to the temple: i need your help. bless dan feng with the light of the silver sister so he comes back from this alive. ]

[ blade may be a criminal, but he is not without heart. it does not bring him joy to threaten aphelios or his children, however much he thinks that dan feng does not deserve them, or any measure of happiness - but that will not stop him, either. he's been chasing dan feng down for years, he won't give up the trail now that he's so incredibly close.

of five names, three must pay a price..

the drive continues in silence, the city thinning as they leave its borders and travel to more rural lands beyond, the suburbs giving way to fields and forests. by now he's sure that aphelios' disappearance has been noted, but that's just fine. let dan feng suffer for a little while, not knowing where his husband is, not knowing whether or not he is alive.

at last, blade turns off down a dirt road that leads to a thin forest and open fields; this will do. slipping his phone from his pocket, he lifts it to snap a quick photo of aphelios. ]

He'll come for you. Now we wait.

[ it takes only a few moments to send the picture, and the coordinates. ]

[ there's no way that dan feng will be able to miss the expression on aphelios' face when blade takes that photo: there's fear, yes, and his eyes are red-rimmed, but his jaw is also set with defiance and determination. blade might have the advantage in a physical fight, but aphelios is not cowed, not in the least. as he stares into the camera, he hopes that at the very least, dan feng will take comfort in the fact that blade hasn't won just yet.

once the photo has been sent, aphelios turns his face away again and looks out the window of the car, over the empty open lot that surrounds them. after a moment, he rolls the window down—enough to get some air flowing into the car, but no farther. ]

You don't have to do this, you know.

[ there's resignation in apehlios' tone, an awareness that trying to talk sense into blade is a losing proposition. nobody crosses galaxies to hunt down their ex-lover if they could be talked out of it by anyone at all. but it's worth a shot, and it's better than doing nothing, anyway. he owes it to dan feng to try, owes it to himself and to their unborn children to see if he can't defuse the situation even just a little.

(after all, it was his own idiocy that got them into this mess in the first place. even if dan feng survives this, how will aphelios ever be able to look him in the eyes again?) ]

[ if blade's obsessions could be so easily talked through, things would surely be much easier, but it's just not that simple. the things that he has suffered, along with the mara bubbling in his blood.. his hatred cannot be contained, nor talked through. perhaps, were he a young man again, before being cursed with immortality, before having to bear the madness of the mara, yingxing could have been reasoned with.

but yingxing is dead and gone now, only the mad blade remains. he tenses at those words, clenching his teeth. ]

And what would you know about it? [ despite the fiery burn of his rage, blade's words are icy cold. ] How long have you known him? A breath of time, for his kind.

[ he won't stop aphelios from opening the window. won't stop him from getting out, even. dan feng is on the way, he has no further need of him. still, he can't help but clench his jaw. perhaps there's still enough of yingxing left in his shredded soul to manage petty jealousy. ]

Do you think you know him? You're a fool. He is a monster, selfish and wild, and you are nothing but his walking incubator.

[ a click, and blade opens the driver's side door, stepping out of the vehicle. ]

He'll be here soon. I would find somewhere to hide, if I were you.

[ oh. fury is white-hot down aphelios' spine. ]

And you think you know him? [ aphelios clenches his jaw so tight it aches, and he flings the car door open with some force, then hauls himself out of the car and to a standing position with as much imperiousness as he can muster. which honestly isn't much, given how pregnant he is, but the anger drives him even as a muscle in his side twinges with the effort.

it is, he knows, objectively stupid to start a fight with blade. he's insane, that much has been made clear, and aphelios is sure that he'll stop at nothing to get what he wants. but for better or worse, aphelios has never been the type to hold back. he can feel alune's presence in the back of his mind, can feel the incorporeal handle of a moonstone blade in his palm. ]

You knew him once, maybe, centuries ago, in a different lifetime—and you think you have any right to show up in his life now and pretend that anything you knew then matters? The world goes on, Yingxing! And so does he! He's different now, he's happy—it's you who won't let go of the past!

[ at least there's still a car between him and blade.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ELSE— ] An incubator? Go fuck yourself, [ aphelios adds, indignant. ] I'm carrying his eggs. If you think he treats me with anything less than his utmost love and respect then you never knew him at all.

[ blade, for his part, looks.. mildly surprised. ]

So the little pup has fangs.

[ and a coalescing blade in his hand. blade turns, his eyes flashing, though it it not a look of fury that crosses his expression, but instead the sharp smile of a madman as the mara grips and churns. ]

I see why he likes you.

[ quick as a blur, blade leaps atop the roof of the car, crossing the distance between them in a flash and seizing aphelios by the throat. truth be told, he hadn't intended to hurt this man, but the mara burns hotter and hotter with dan feng's quick approach, and he is losing control over his faculties rapidly. the hand around aphelios' throat is strong, grasping tightly as he lifts him off of his feet, shard sword in the opposite hand, its sharp tip tracing the swell of aphelios' belly. ]

Of course he treats you with love and respect, while you're carrying his whelps. As if he would risk them. But you.. you're quite happy to risk them, aren't you?

[ the tip of the blade pushes forward, just barely pricking skin through aphelios' shirt, while his right hand grasps more tightly around his neck. ]

Perhaps I should kill you. Let him see your bloodied body before he joins you in the afterlife.

[ but whether or not blade will do it remains unknown, for the low roar of a dragon rumbles on the horizon, a great, powerful wind whipping the trees, snapping blade's long hair. storm clouds gather, blotting out the sky, and through them the great beast careens, its enormous maw flung wide in another earthshattering roar.

blade curses, then throws aphelios harshly to the hard ground, leaping aside only just in time before the dragon surges forward, slamming into the car as if it is little more than a tin toy, crumpling it beneath fangs as long as swords. aphelios is scooped up easily in one large, clawed paw before the beast takes to the air again. ]

[ fury and fear are only a hairsbreadth apart, and when blade presses up close with his sword to aphelios' stomach and his hand at aphelios' throat, the two feelings twine so closely together he can no longer tell which is which. what aphelios knows is this: if he is to die, he will not die without a fight. he feels the tip of the sword pierce his shirt and then his flesh, and it sends a shudder of dread up aphelios' spine, but he can't bring himself to back down.

so he bares his teeth, feeling the silver sister's power coursing through his veins, and he brings his hand up to press the edge of his blade to yingxing's throat. alune's voice is a low hum in his consciousness, quiet chanting in the sacred language of the lunari, her power flooding him and making his weapon sharp. ]

If you think I'm going to give up without a fight, then you're as much a fool as you are insane.

[ and he's ready to do what he has to do, too—ready to drag his sharp-edged moonstone right across blade's throat and leave it gaping—but then the ground shakes under the low, reverberating roar of a dragon overhead. dan feng, aphelios thinks, weak with relief and sick with worry.

and then blade throws him to the ground. he manages to turn, to catch himself hard but mostly on his shoulder and hip, moonstone blade dissipating instantly in favor of a protective hold on his belly as he hits the dirt. there's no fear in him when the dragon that is his husband scoops him up into the protective grip of one clawed foot, nor as he's lifted up into the air—his only fear is for their babies, and for dan feng himself, more vulnerable now that he seeks to protect aphelios.

he should tell dan feng to just put him down somewhere, aphelios knows. he'll need all his focus if he's going to fight blade like this. but selfishly—selfishly, aphelios can't bring himself to say it aloud, instead relishing scant moments of safety before he knows he'll have to watch something great and terrible unfold. ]

[ yes, it would be easier to put him down, but then dan feng could not guarantee his safety, and now - now he's wild with the power of the dragon, fiercely, ferociously protective of his mate and his clutch, his heart a knot of fury. it is not easy to control the dragon, the power it floods him with is immense and difficult to tame, but dan feng's rage is focused to a razor's edge, making it all too simple.

in his left paw he holds aphelios close, snugly against his chest, his luminous scales smooth and damp and cool, and as blade rights himself, dan feng curls his head down to nudge his enormous snout against aphelios, breathing in his familiar scent. it will be okay. i'm here.

not that aphelios needs the reassurance, dan feng knows just how good he is in a fight, but right now, he will not risk allowing his mate to join the fray, not while he's 28 weeks pregnant. besides.. this is dan feng's fight, his alone, a ghost of his own past, and his own sins. and so he keeps his husband tucked protectively against his heart as the fight begins.

blade is no dragon, but he makes up for his lack of size with speed and ferocity. there is no fear in his eyes or in his movements, and even when he takes terrible blows from dan feng's claws and tail he does not flinch, unafraid of the pain. having died a thousand painful deaths at jingliu's sword, he fears no agony. the two clash again and again, on the ground and in the sky, until the scent of blood is hanging in the moist air. cloudhymn magic sings, burning through the space between them as dan feng launches orbs of golden energy and torrents of crashing water, but even when he is half broken, blade still gets up, again and again.

thunder rumbles like a beast in the clouds, echoing dan feng's ire, and the fear in his own heart, the fear of losing aphelios, and their children, the fear that had grasped him tightly the moment he was told that aphelios was missing - that intensified when he received that terrible message.

but like a raging fire, dan feng is burning quickly through his power. it taxes him to maintain this form, and the battle is bloody and desperate, it soon becomes clear that his stamina is flagging. dan feng is easily the more powerful of the two, but he's out of practice, and handicapped by his attempts to keep aphelios safe. he's tiring. slowing.

but then, he feels the touch of something cool, the silvery power of the moon filling him. aphelios -

it has to be now. a deep, furious roar splits the skies and dan feng surges forward, snagging blade in his free paw and careening downward, his grasp tight, and though blade hisses and attempts to cut himself free, it's too late. dan feng slams him into the ground with enough force to crater the soil, the scythes of his claws sinking deep into yingxing's chest, pinning him to the grass, straight through his body.

something twinges in his heart. an old ache. ancient grief. yingxing, he - once, he had been a good man, a strong-hearted man, seeing him reduced to a mara-struck maniac, watching his ribcage crumple as he spits blood - even in all of his anger, it still stings dan feng's heart to watch him die. ]

[ for the most part, aphelios can't watch. he presses his face to the cool, smooth scales of dan feng's chest and looks up at him, keeping his gaze focused solely on his husband as he and blade clash again and again in a cacophony of roars and screams and steel on claw. it's hard to keep track of time, so instead he keeps track of dan feng's heartbeat, the pulse of his power under his skin, measuring progress in the thud of bodies and clash of weapons instead of the tick of seconds moving forward.

and when he feels dan feng start to waver, the resolve that fills aphelios is like nothing he's ever experienced before. he presses his palms to dan feng's scales and then his lips, and when he begins to whisper a prayer it's both his own voice and alune's—not alune his twin, but alune in all her power, the light of the silver sister flowing through them both and into his husband. it suffuses him, slips under his skin to fill him with borrowed power, to shore him up when his own begins to flag.

and it exhausts aphelios, as it always does, but it's nothing he can't endure for the sake of seeing his husband safe.

they all know the blow that kills blade, in the end. when dan feng uses the full weight of his body to slam him into the ground, when one of those massive claws slices right through him to skewer him to the dirt below. his sword knocked away, reduced to little more than a dying animal... aphelios finds himself pitying blade, a little. ]

Put me down? [ he asks dan feng, and when he's set on his feet he makes his way slowly, unsteadily, to kneel at yingxing's side.

between the mara and the rot of his own anger, aphelios isn't sure there's any sanity left in him. a part of him doubts that blade can even recognize a gesture of sympathy—more likely, he's so consumed by rage that he can't see beyond it. and for that reason, just in case, aphelios stays out of arms' reach, even as he says, quietly, ] ...I hope you find peace wherever you're going. He loved you once. I hope you can be that version of you again.

[ feeling yingxing go still beneath his claws is like a knife to the heart.

blade is not the man he once loved. no, in truth, his yingxing died that fateful day when disaster struck, when he was overcome by mara and cursed to live eternally, driven mad by jingliu's torture. the only solace this can bring is that aphelios is safe, and that now, perhaps, blade can find.. rest. and peace. numbly, he sets his husband down when asked, and as aphelios says his piece dan feng releases the cold heart of the dragon, diminishing to his usual form.

he's bloodied and bruised, his clothing torn and his hair rumpled, and his expression is tight and unreadable as he stares down at blade's broken body, lying in a puddle of bright blood. unreadable, that is, to anyone but aphelios, perhaps. there is grief in dan feng's eyes as he listens to those words, his exhale rattling with a tremor, his eyes stinging as he closes them. limping nearer, dan feng kneels to close blade's eyelids. ]

.. he was a good man, once. [ he says, softly. ] A strong, fiercely burning spirit, defiant in the face of adversity. You would have liked him, then.

[ and dan feng knows the truth of it, knows that this.. this is his fault. what happened to yingxing all of those years ago is on him, and the guilt of it will carry on in his heart until his spirit dissipates among the stars. but what is done is done, and this - this was necessary to protect aphelios, to protect their children; he would do it all again in a heartbeat. ]

Pheli, I..

[ his voice is a whisper, before dan feng stands, swallowing thickly and turning to face his husband again. he wants to gather him up into his arms, to hold him, but he is hesitating, bound by the threads that twist around his heart. ]

.. I'm sorry.

I'm sure I would have. [ liked him, that is. aphelios loves dan feng desperately, and he even likes jing yuan, for all that he plays at being jealous over him—there's no doubt in his mind that if he were to meet someone who both men cared about, he would like them, too.

but what chances is there of that, now? yingxing died centuries ago, and blade was born in his stead, a creature composed entirely of mara and madness, singleminded in purpose and lacking, aphelios thinks, any of the tenderness and kindness and goodness that dan feng would have so loved in him before. it's a pity to see him meet his end this way, and more than that, a shame. aphelios' shame, mostly.

he can't stand. the muscle he'd strained in his side throbs fiercely. he's still bleeding, he thinks, from the slight wound in his belly, and his side is bruised from shoulder to hip where he landed on it earlier. he feels lightheaded and shaky and, more than anything, deeply ashamed, to the point that when dan feng stands and turns to look at him, aphelios can't meet his eyes. he stays where he is, kneeling on the dirt next to blade's body, and looks at dan feng's feet. ]

No, [ he says, trying his best to keep his voice steady even though all he wants is to throw himself into dan feng's arms. hot tears well up in his eyes and spill down his cheeks. ] I'm sorry. This was my fault. I should never have—I should have known better than to say anything to him. It was my fault he found you. It was my fault he... I practically served myself to him on a silver platter...

[ he reaches up to wipe angrily at his face, but the tears keep coming despite his best efforts. aphelios takes a shuddering breath and leans forward, back curved protectively over his stomach as if the reality of what could have happened, what almost happened, is just now hitting him. ]

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—I was so stupid, I was so fucking—stupid, how can you even stand to look at me?

Aphelios -

[ seeing him break down, dan feng at last launches into movement. no, he can't stand seeing his beloved beat himself up in this way, can't allow him to think that this was his fault in any way. the sight of him curled over like that stabs him deep, and the last ribbons that had held him together fray and snap. crumpling forward, dan feng gathers aphelios into his arms as gently as he can manage, scooping him close, both arms secure but trembling around him. ]

Enough. He was determined, he would have gotten to you one way or another, there was no stopping him.

[ now that he'd found where they were, found that dan feng had married, built a family.. he would have stopped at nothing to destroy it all. whether it happened now, or in ten years - it was an eventuality that they couldn't escape. ]

It was my past that came to haunt us. You've done nothing wrong. Wo ai ni, qin'ai de, please, never forget how much I love you.

[ aphelios may have been a little reckless, but it was dan feng's past, his sins catching up to him, that had brought this down on their heads to begin with. pressing his face into aphelios' soft hair, hot tears break over his eyelashes, silent as they spill down his cheeks. he can't let go, can't do anything but hold him. would that he could heal his husband's hurts, but he's far too drained to summon up any further cloudhymn energy. ]

[ the instant that dan feng's arms wrap around him, aphelios loses the tenuous grip he had on his own self-control. he buries his face into dan feng's shoulder and cries, ugly, almost-silent sobs that wrack his body and leave him gasping. he clutches dan feng, as careful as he can manage to be considering the state his husband is in, and for a long, long minute they just cling to each other in tears, the adrenaline and fear and fury slowly dissipating until all that's left is exhaustion.

but eventually, there are no more tears. aphelios sniffs and sits back, wipes his face again, and looks up at dan feng with so much sorrow and also so much love in his expression. ]

I love you so much... I love you. I'm so sorry.

[ he can't forgive himself for the role he played in this, not yet. but he can try to make it up in other ways. aphelios' fingers are light and cool as they skim over dan feng's skin, searching for wounds and bruises, marks that blade left on his body. the silver sister can't heal, but she can relieve some of the pain, at least for the time being, and so aphelios does what he can, although it does drain him a little to do so and by the time his hands drop he's feeling properly woozy.

in the distance, there's the sound of a siren. aphelios wonders, dimly, if it's coming for them. probably—what else is out here that the police might want to see? but he can't think of anything beyond dan feng right now. ]

You're incredible. [ he touches dan feng's cheek, tracing the lovely lines of his features. he sways a little, but manages to stay upright, using dan feng's face as a point of focus. ] Thank you for—coming for our babies. And for me.

[ oh, his sweet aphelios - the look he gives dan feng is enough to break his heart. he never wants to see such sorrow on his sweet one's expression again, never wants to see him in such pain.. it's unbearable. aphelios deserves only warmth and happiness, not the terrible despair that all of this has wrought. guilt stabs deep into his heart; even now, the effects of the sedition still ripple, harming everything in their wake.

gently, dan feng presses warm kisses to aphelios' face, his brow and his nose and his cheeks, kissing away his tears, both hands smoothing through his soft hair. ]

Of course I came for you. How couldn't I? You're my heart. I cannot live without my heart.

[ without aphelios, his life would be grey all over again, the idea of being without him is excruciating. there is nothing he would not do to protect the man in his arms, and to protect the little lives that they have created together. gods, all of this.. it's so much. right now, dan feng feels numb with fear, focused on what they need to do. he can't look at blade, can't bear to see his body so broken and still. surely this will all crash down onto his head soon enough.

for now, one step at a time. the sirens grow louder, and he cups aphelios' cheeks, lifting his face to look into his eyes. ]

You need rest. I'll do the talking, we need to get you to the hospital, my love.

[ aphelios seems to be in one piece, but still, he'll need treatment, and their babies will need to be seen to, as well. ]

[ aphelios lifts both hands to cover dan feng's where they press against his cheeks, then nods slowly, acknowledging his husband's words as truth. he's not nearly as physically beaten up as dan feng is, but he has been through a lot today and more than that, he needs to be sure that their babies are okay. he needs rest. he needs fluids and to calm down, because he can't be there for dan feng the way dan feng deserves if he's this unsteady and keyed up. ]

You'll come with me, right? [ the idea of being apart from dan feng right now is excruciating—almost enough to make aphelios panic just thinking about it. ] Don't—don't leave me. Please.

[ it's selfish, he knows, but he's scared, and he can tell dan feng is scared, and aphelios doesn't want to even so much as let go of his husband if he has any other choice.

and, shortly thereafter, he doesn't. the police arrive, along with ems, and aphelios is forced to give up clutching dan feng in favor of letting himself be brought to his feet and then to the ambulance to be briefly examined. because of his pregnancy, the medic explains, he will need to go to the hospital for a more thorough checkup. it's not that aphelios disagrees—in fact, he agrees wholeheartedly—but it is at this point that, on the verge of a tantrum-slash-panic-attack, he tells them in no uncertain terms that he will not be going fucking anywhere if dan feng doesn't come with him.

the police will need more from them, aphelios is sure. interviews, statements, corroborating witnesses. aphelios frankly cannot bring himself to care about anything other than getting dan feng in this ambulance with him to come to the hospital, where they can both be treated, where aphelios can let go of a little of his raw terror that dan feng has somehow been mortally wounded in a place aphelios can't see. ]

[ leaving aphelios is absolutely out of the question. blade may be.. dead, but dan feng's nerves are still quite frayed, the reality of what could have happened sharp as shard sword's edge. tonight, he could have lost aphelios and their children both, and that truth is sitting heavy as a weight on his heart.

so he's sure to stay as near to his husband as he can, to stay with ear and eyeshot of him once he is pulled aside for questioning, though the emts are quick to intervene. dan feng is very clearly injured, after all - the police can save their questioning for when he's been treated. not to mention, aphelios is nearly panic stricken; dan feng needs to be with him, for the sake of his health, and that of the unborn babies, so the police soon peel off and allow him to be led to the ambulance where aphelios awaits. ]

I'm here. [ he whispers softly, touching their brows together. ] I'm here. It's all right.

[ and he won't allow them to be separated. the police can question them together for the time being.

as he is helped up into the ambulance, dan feng can't help but look back just in time to see the body bag zipped over blade's pale, unnervingly still face, and his heart twists painfully in his chest. the man that he was died a long, long time ago, yet still, knowing that he's gone for good, that it was by his own hand - this is something that is going to take time for dan feng to work through.

later. another time. for now, he sits beside phel's stretcher as they're both ferried off to the hospital, holding one of his husband's trembling hands between both of his own. there's so much to talk about, to talk through, but for now dan feng is quiet, his nose pressed into aphelios' hair, until at last they arrive at the hospital. ]

[ it's only when dan feng is close, when aphelios can reach out and take hold of his husband's wrist, that his anxiety finally abates. he clings tight as he's strapped onto the stretcher, refuses to let go even as the medics load him into the ambulance; it's because dan feng sits next to him, holding his hand, pressing his face into aphelios' hair, that he manages to keep his cool throughout the trip to the hospital.

and then it's vitals, and tests, and eventually a move to a quiet and much more private room for overnight observation. in aphelios' case, it's mostly on account of the babies, to make sure that everything is all right—in dan feng's case, it's because his injuries are more severe. not in need of surgery, apparently (and what a relief that is), but serious enough to warrant some extra sets of eyes on him for at least a night while he rests and regains his strength.

it feels like it takes a century, and also like it happens in a whirlwind. aphelios is so exhausted he barely processes the shift from emergency room to hospital room, but eventually the last of the nurses pulls the door closed behind her, and almost immediately aphelios pulls back the covers on his own hospital bed so he can swing his legs over the side. climbing to his feet is a slower process, but the bed is tall enough that it doesn't take too much effort to stand, and then he immediately makes his way over to dan feng in the bed next to his own. ]

A-Feng... [ aphelios' voice is soft, and he reaches for dan feng's hand, holding it close between both of his own as he takes a seat on the edge of the mattress. ] How are you feeling?

[ despite all the checking-up that's been done on the both of them over the past couple of hours, there hasn't been much of an opportunity to check up on each other. aphelios reaches up to cup his husband's face and brush his thumb softly over his cheek—there's not nearly enough room in one of these beds for the both of them, but still, he presses as close as he can manage. ]

Does it hurt a lot? Be honest.

[ it's no surprise that aphelios is up from bed the moment the door closes, which is fine, really, he wasn't forbidden from moving around, but still, it's enough to make dan feng sit up straight and frown disapprovingly. as far as he is concerned, aphelios should be resting, not straining himself even a little bit.

but he can't deny that having his husband close is reassuring, even if.. even if he feels that he does not deserve it. aphelios reaches for his hand, and dan feng holds it gently, his cool fingers squeezing. ]

It's nothing I can't handle.

[ he's certainly endured much worse, in the shackling prison. yingxing's sword cut deep, all over his body, and many of these lacerations had required sutures. would that he had the strength to, he would heal himself and aphelios both, but becoming the dragon had taken everything he has; it will be weeks before dan feng has rested enough to replenish his reserves.

nevertheless, what aphelios asks of him.. makes his heart ache, for while his body might sting and burn, his heart and soul fare far worse. he can still remember the way his claws sank through blade's flesh, can distinctly recall how it felt to feel his ribcage crack beneath his scaled palm. in the end, the forgemaster was no match for a high elder, and he wonders if blade knew that all along, if he'd wanted this end, by his old lover's hand. now that the room is quiet and it's just the two of them, the reality of all that has transpired is beginning to settle heavily onto his shoulders.

blade's death. dan feng's ancient guilt. and gods, aphelios - the man dearest to his heart, carrying his children, could have been killed today. it's overwhelming, and dan feng feels his throat tighten up, tears pricking the corners of his eyes that he blinks back rapidly. yet his instinct is to ice over, to swallow it down and force it back; the dragon is a cold creature without worldly attachments, after all. yet still - ]

I'll be all right, love. [ he says, softly, wearily. ] Please.. please just worry about yourself.

[ squeezing aphelios' hand, dan feng leans in to press their brows together. ]

[ so, that thing about the beds not having room for both of them... ]

Scoot. [ aphelios gives dan feng a moment to move over, carefully and slowly, and then he climbs up into bed right alongside him. it takes a little bit of negotiating, and a little bit of adjusting to make sure that they're not pressing up against each other's injuries, but eventually they end up like this: aphelios stretched out along dan feng's side, leaning against his own uninjured shoulder and with his belly resting against dan feng's body, one of his arms wrapped around dan feng's shoulders as aphelios leans in to press a tender, adoring kiss to his husband's forehead. he catches one of dan feng's hands and presses it gently to the curve of his stomach, where the fetal heart monitors earlier had heard two steady heartbeats, testament to their children's resilience.

it's impossible for aphelios to fully understand the depth of dan feng's pain—there's so much history there, the weight of so many grievances. to aphelios, blade was just his husband's crazy ex; to dan feng he was so much more than that, a man he used to love or at least the shell of one, a symbol of his guilt, a reminder of his sins. and to have dealt the blow that finished him... to a man as gentle as dan feng, only provoked to violence by a threat to his brood... ]

I love you so much. [ aphelios murmurs the words softly, adoringly, right against dan feng's temple. he doesn't need to worry about himself, because he knows dan feng is doing that for him; it frees aphelios up, in turn, to worry about dan feng. ] I love you with my entire heart. You don't have to explain anything, but I'm here, I'm here. We're okay. Your babies are okay, I'm okay. I've got you, you don't have to keep it inside.

[ he won't go so far as to tell dan feng he can cry, but if he wants to... if he needs to, then aphelios isn't going anywhere, and he'll hold dan feng through it for as long as it takes. ]

[ dan feng knows full well that he should have expected this, should have known that aphelios would see right through his flimsy facade and get straight to the point. he would do the same, for aphelios, wouldn't allow him to hide away his pain, or force it into the corners of his mind, so of course he can expect the same in return.

but he's afraid. afraid to weep, afraid to let it out; what if he breaks in a way that he cannot put himself together again? it feels like weakness, though he knows that is wrong, the words and lessons of the preceptors still drill into him even all of these years later. a high elder does not week. a high elder does not form bonds with lesser beings. a high elder has responsibilities to his people, and his people alone, as long's scion and the keeper of the dragon heart, he was not allowed the same weaknesses and fallibilities that others are. breaking down.. it feels like failing.

but aphelios is so near to him, so warm and gentle, placing his hand over their babies, and dan feng feels his resolve cracking. he swallows it down again, clenching his teeth, but aphelios' words are sweet, loving, supportive, and the cracks in his resolve soon become fissures as his composure shatters.

with a sharp intake of breath, dan feng's vision blurs, thick, heavy tears spilling over his lashes, and he turns his head to bury his face in his husband's shoulder, the ache in his chest unbearable, released in a wrenching sob. anger and grief, guilt and fear, it all washes over him in an icy wave, for how close he came to losing everything he holds dear, for all he still did lose. ]

I'm sorry.

[ he says, through sharp, hiccuping breaths, clutching to his husband as tightly as he dares to, for all of their injuries. ]

I wish.. I wish you could have known him before - I wish you could have known.. all of them.

i want that can't sleep love

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