i want that can't sleep love

[loong]

[ truth be told, dan feng is a little bit nervous.

they've been waiting to try this for quite a long time, after all, and with the kemmering finally approaching, well.. what better opportunity could there be? his mate's heat will stimulate dan feng's own rut, they'll both be at their most fertile, there's no reason not to at least give it a chance. no reason to be pessimistic, however low the chances might be. if they don't try, the chances will always be zero.

dan feng has made everything as comfortable for them as possible. their shared sprawling penthouse is clean, dinner is prepared, and anything they could possibly need or want is laid out. he's cleared out a space in their sunken common area, and lined it with thick blankets, pillows and cushions, like a nest, so they can be close to the kitchen and bathroom if necessary, and they can enjoy the view of the city together. there's even a bottle of white wine chilling in a silver bucket on a low table, beside two glasses.

he's dressed lightly, in simple hanfu, one pale green robe with a sash, his feet bare and his hair loose, all ornaments and jewelry removed and laid aside.

when aphelios arrives home, he will find dan feng sitting comfortably in the nest in the half lotus position, eyes closed as he meditates, eyes closed, and in his lap.. are several soft, beautiful, pearlescent eggs wrapped in silk, and kept close to absorb his warmth. he breathes deeply, calming and centering himself as he waits. ]


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[loong]

[ the moment he feels that iron grip on his hand, dan feng knows it's time.

he leaves aphelios' side for only the briefest of moments to snag the nearest nurse, and then he's right back there again, giving alune a tight look and a nod as she passes him to leave the room. he helps aphelios to lie back, then helps him turn over as well, when the time comes, onto his hands and knees.

they really are coming. dan feng's heart is in his throat, but he's entirely focused, fully prepared for whatever is coming. he's seen as much blood and gore in his long life as can be expected for being born to a nation at war, this cannot faze him. so he shakes his head. ]

I'll be fine. You have my word.

[ harder than seeing the blood and mess, honestly, is seeing aphelios in pain. but there's little enough to be done about that. the epidural will do what it can, and the rest is up to his husband to endure, to bring their beautiful children into the world. but dan feng will be here beside him, talking him through it as best as he is able to. phel's grasp is like iron, but surely it is nothing in comparison with what he's feeling. ]

I'm here.

[ he says gently, his free hand rubbing between aphelios' shoulders while the doctor and nurses do their work, instructing him when to push. ]

You can do this. You're the strongest person I know.

[heartsteel]

[ the epidural definitely helps, but as the doctors tell aphelios to push and he does his best to obey, it's patently clear that no amount of drugs is going to be able to mute all the pain. he groans, bearing down when the doctors tell him to and relaxing when the contraction passes; the only thing that soothes him, really, is his grip on dan feng's hand and the warm, reassuring pressure of dan feng's palm between his shoulderblades, a constant reminder of his presence.

it feels like it takes hours, but in reality, it's probably only 40 minutes. aphelios pushes—clutches dan feng's hand—groans in combined agony and exertion—relaxes again, in cycles that repeat at increasing speed. he hasn't eaten anything since he was admitted, and that's probably the only reason he avoids throwing up, but he definitely doesn't avoid crying, which is what he's doing when the doctor tells him to push one more time and he pushes until he feels the pain crest between his thighs. ]

There's the head, [ the doctor says, ] give me one more big push—

[ and through gritted teeth aphelios does, muffling his wail into the pillow as he pushes again, until the pressure lessens and a sharp cry that isn't his own splits the noisy air of the birthing room. ]

Congratulations—you have a girl, [ says one of the nurses, glancing up to meet dan feng's gaze with a smile before she busies herself cleaning out the baby's mouth and checking all its fingers and toes.

phel, naturally, bursts into tears. ]

We have a girl, [ he sobs, craning his head back over his shoulder so he can try to catch a glimpse of her. most of what he can see is her tiny, wriggling little limbs, but aphelios can make out the tiny nubs of horns protruding from her head, and the sight is for some reason enough to make him well up with tears all over again. ] Baby, she has your horns!

[ this is, of course, just a lull between contractions, and it won't be more than a minute before aphelios has to start pushing again, but at least for this short moment he finds himself utterly captivated by their newborn daughter. ]

[loong]

[ it's so incredibly tempting to use his cloudhymn healing to help to ease his beloved's terrible pain, but he refrains for now - there's still more to come. aphelios' grasp nearly breaks his fingers, but dan feng won't complain, not when his husband is experiencing one of the single most agonizing experiences one can possibly endure, all for the sake of their family. he stays firm, dipping his head to press his brow against phel's sweat-dampened temple.

and then he hears it - the sharp, healthy wail of their firstborn. dan feng's head snaps up, and he feels his heart clutch in his chest when he sees her.. their daughter, a bloody mess screaming her way into the world, the most beautiful thing that he has ever seen. tears mist his eyes, his breath catching as his heart soars. his horns.. she has horns, the smallest little nubs he has ever seen, and a fat little scaly tail, as well. ]

She's beautiful..

[ he whispers, swallowing thickly. it's taking everything he has not to immediately go to her, to want to hold her - but aphelios still needs him by his side. ]

You're amazing, Aphelios.

[ he whispers, as the tears gather at the corners of his eyes, his palm at phel's shoulders rubbing in deep circles. and here he remains while the second baby comes squalling into the open air, with the same little nub horns and chubby tail as his sister. dan feng's breath rattles as emotion threatens to overwhelm him, thick in his throat and tight in his chest. ]

And a boy! [ the nurse announces with a smile, and dan feng can't help it - he chokes a laugh, his heart slamming against his ribs. ]

[heartsteel]

[ there is, admittedly, a brief moment of panic when the next contraction hits and aphelios realizes he has to do it all again—but the second twin comes even more quickly than the first, and before long, aphelios is pressing his face into the blankets as he listens to the beautiful, healthy screaming of their babies. their babies, whole and alive and with all ten fingers and toes each (he heard the nurse say it), plus little nubs for horns and fat scaly tails that they most certainly inherited from their father because they sure didn't come from aphelios. ]

We did it, [ aphelios manages, squeezing dan feng's hand as he pushes himself up a little bit off the mattress. it's on the strength of his adrenaline and euphoria alone that aphelios manages to turn himself over onto his back (not to mention a significant assist from a nurse), but once he's leaning back against the bed, all he wants is to hold their babies.

and by the time the nurse comes to settle both of the little ones on his chest, aphelios is already crying again. it's not even emotion so much as it is just—the release of it all, of having done the thing, of finally meeting their children for the first time, these two little tiny dragons laying on his chest, covered in towels and alternating between screaming and gurgling their discontent at being evicted from phel's womb and thrust out into the world. ]

Look at them, baby, [ aphelios manages, sniffling, his eyes wide and disbelieving. ] We made these, can you believe it?

[ the rest of it, it seems, passes in a blur. the babies get handed back so aphelios can deliver the afterbirth, and then almost immediately he has to feed them both, and then there's the vitamin k shots and a topup of the epidural and nurses and doctors flitting to and fro with paperwork and questions—but eventually, when aphelios has been cleaned up and the flurry of activity has lulled and the babies have fallen asleep in their bassinets next to the bed, aphelios turns his head to look at dan feng, who is gazing adoringly at their sleeping twins, and smiles so widely his cheeks ache with it. ]

We're going to have to name them, [ phel says softly, reaching out for dan feng's hand again. gently this time, not the punishing force with which he'd been squeezing earlier. ]

[loong]

[ even the luofu's greatest poets could not find the words to describe these moments, the beauty of their children, the momentousness of this occasion. not only are these the first vidyadhara children born in an incalculable amount of time, they are theirs, the sweet, beautiful babies that they made together, that aphelios dutifully carried for him for nine long months.

they wail and squirm, their voices strong for how delicate their chubby little bodies are, eyes squeezed tightly shut against the brightness of the world. do they even know how extraordinary they are? ]

Mm.. you're right.

[ it's difficult to look away from their babies even for a moment, and dan feng keeps his opposite hand on the bassinet while he does, his eyes settling on aphelios' beautiful, exhausted face with a smile. ]

I have a few ideas.

[ he's been considering for some time now, but settling on names for these perfect little bundles seems a difficult task. how could anything measure up? but he's spent some time thinking. glancing toward their daughter, he places his hand gently against her. ]

What do you think of Dan Qiuyue? Red autumn moon.

[heartsteel]

[ they're so tiny, is what phel keeps thinking as he looks down at their babies. he had felt huge, particularly for the last few weeks of his pregnancy, but now that he sees their babies out in the world, they seem impossibly small. it's hard for him to draw his gaze away from them, too, except for sneaking glances at dan feng to watch the absolute, unfettered love in his gaze as he looks at their children. ]

I think that's beautiful. [ something about the size of dan feng's hand in comparison to their daughter's body makes aphelios well up with tears again, and he laughs, lifting his free hand to wipe the tears away. ] Oh, gods. I thought I was going to get a break from crying over everything.

[ jokes on him! it's going to take at least three weeks before that part wears off.

rubbing his thumb idly back and forth against dan feng's, phel's gaze slips over to their son, who makes a soft little newborn noise and shifts in his swaddle. phel's face softens immediately, utterly adoring. ]

What do you think about Ruilin, for him? [ after ten years together, aphelios is at least proficient in the language of the luofu, although obviously not as fluent as dan feng is—he'd put real thought into the name, but isn't sure it'll pass muster for a proper vidyadhara. ] He really would be his father's son, then.

[loong]

[ she is quite small beneath dan feng's long fingers. twins, as he has come to understand it, tend to be on the smaller side than single birth babies, and their children are no exception. aeons, they're the most beautiful things that he has ever seen.. it's still unbelievable. from the day they first attempted conception to this very moment, this entire journey has felt almost surreal. he had been so sure that he would never be a father, that the eggs would not take, that their children would not arrive..

.. but here they are, healthy and fat, full of milk and happy to sleep in their swaddles. there is so much life ahead of them now, so much wonder, so much to learn. ]

Ruilin.. [ he turns the name over on his tongue, then looks back to his sweet, crying husband with a smile. ] Auspicious forest?

[ it works well, he thinks, pairing with dan feng's own name. ]

I love it.

[ ruilin, and qiuyue.. perfect names, for perfect little babies. dan feng gives phel's hand a little squeeze before releasing it, so he can have both hands for the children, carefully lifting up their little boy into his arms. he knows full well that he should let sleeping babies lie (they're like to not get much sleep themselves in the coming months), but he can't help but want to hold them as much as possible. still, he turns, and gently places ruilin into aphelios' arms so he can scoop their daughter into his own. ]