loong | i want that can't sleep love

i want that can't sleep love

[ truth be told, dan feng is a little bit nervous.

they've been waiting to try this for quite a long time, after all, and with the kemmering finally approaching, well.. what better opportunity could there be? his mate's heat will stimulate dan feng's own rut, they'll both be at their most fertile, there's no reason not to at least give it a chance. no reason to be pessimistic, however low the chances might be. if they don't try, the chances will always be zero.

dan feng has made everything as comfortable for them as possible. their shared sprawling penthouse is clean, dinner is prepared, and anything they could possibly need or want is laid out. he's cleared out a space in their sunken common area, and lined it with thick blankets, pillows and cushions, like a nest, so they can be close to the kitchen and bathroom if necessary, and they can enjoy the view of the city together. there's even a bottle of white wine chilling in a silver bucket on a low table, beside two glasses.

he's dressed lightly, in simple hanfu, one pale green robe with a sash, his feet bare and his hair loose, all ornaments and jewelry removed and laid aside.

when aphelios arrives home, he will find dan feng sitting comfortably in the nest in the half lotus position, eyes closed as he meditates, eyes closed, and in his lap.. are several soft, beautiful, pearlescent eggs wrapped in silk, and kept close to absorb his warmth. he breathes deeply, calming and centering himself as he waits. ]

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[ bell pepper, and whatever snacks aphelios lays eyes on and decides he needs immediately—that's the entirety of shopping list that aphelios brings with him when he dresses and takes the elevator down to the ground floor. the grocery store isn't far away, and he doesn't feel a need to drive—while, at 24 weeks, aphelios is certainly, like, real obviously pregnant, he's not quite so pregnant that he can't take a brisk walk in the neighborhood to go pick up some groceries. in fact, as the obgyn keeps telling him, walking around as much as he can while he still can is good for the babies! so, off he goes, walking down the street toward the neighborhood mart.

the bell peppers are the easiest to find; phel picks up three, just for a little color variety. after that it's all about the snacks, babey, so he takes his sweet time wandering up and down the two aisles of snacks, looking for anything sweet or salty that calls out to him.

truthfully, aphelios has been pretty lucky in terms of pregnancy cravings. he's had the fixation on steamed bamboo shoots, sure, and he has been pretty fixated on bagels with chive cream ccheese... but he hasn't wanted anything too out there, like pickles and peanut butter or jelly and mayo sandwiches or whatever. he has, however, been very into salty snacks recently, so ultimately he chooses a bag of shrimp chips and some pretzels to go with the ranch dip he got the last time dan feng gave him unfettered access to his credit card. ]

[ that he happens to run into aphelios is a complete accident.

of course, being on this planet in the first place is anything but. he's tracked dan feng here. it's taken him quite some time, for he hadn't known at first that he had been released from the shackling prison at all, and there were no available records (that he was able to access) as to where his erstwhile lover had ended up. it was as if dan feng had simply left the cosmos in its entirety.

but blade never gave up. he never forgot. though his hands now ache and his body keens with constant pain, he could not let go of his vendette. what had once been endless love and devotion has twisted into something darker, a bloody, vicious hatred that will not cease, that chews at the shattered remnants of his soul without cease. but now.. now he's so close he can all but taste it. dan feng will not escape this time.

by complete happenstance, he passes a young man on the street, a young man wearing an achingly familiar red tasseled earring that immediately catches his eye, the sight of it like a knife to the gut.

silent as the grave, blade follows along behind, slipping into the shop a few minutes after the young man disappears inside. his heart is pounding. is this the opening he has finally been waiting for? breathing deeply, blade centers himself, then walks into the shop, stalking the aisles until he finds him again - the one with teal hair, and, now that he's closer and not behind him, a.. very pregnant belly. surely that doesn't mean anything, blade knows full well that vidyadhara cannot breed, yet still it fills him with a silent, frothing rage. no flicker of this feeling shows in his expression, however, as he approaches with a smile. ]

I'm sorry to interrupt. [ his voice is rough, deep, but calm. ] I can't help but notice that earring of yours..

[ how similar it looks to his own. ]

[ mid-reach for the pretzels, aphelios hears a deep voice speak and realizes he hadn't even noticed someone approaching. blame it on pregnancy brain, which he's come to realize is super real—aphelios is ordinarily much more observant than that. he snags his pretzels and drops them in the basket, then turns to face the man, giving him a warm smile. ]

My earring? [ he reaches up to touch it, the red tassel hanging from his ear. ] Oh, this? It's my husband's. I don't know where it's from or anything like that, I just borrowed it from his jewelry box.

[ he'd spent the early afternoon tidying and rearranging their dresser, including their respective boxes of miscellaneous jewelry. even though aphelios knows that "nesting" probably won't start in earnest for another ten weeks or so, he's been using the term to refer to the little ways he's tried to keep himself busy at home—with dan feng taking on so much more of the heavy-duty housework in an effort to reduce the stress and strain on aphelios' body, he's needed to feel useful in some small way, at least. ]

[ my husband's.

those words are like a wash of icy water down his back. how easily dan feng had moved on. blade tenses, but it's nearly imperceptible, and he doesn't smile, but his expression remains smooth and serene. he dips his head in a nod. ]

I see.

[ married, with a pregnant husband. it's a struggle not to clench his jaw. blade is a straightforward man, he doesn't play games, but if he's to lure dan feng out, he must not rouse too much suspicion. ]

I recognize it, I think. Your husband - his name wouldn't happen to be Dan Feng?

[ it's not totally surprising that people around town would know dan feng's name—he's well-respected for his work, and also has... well, aphelios can call it like it is: they're rich, in a way that sometimes catches people's attention. even though he privately thinks both of them are quite grounded about it, having a lot of money does tend to turn heads, and it isn't the first time that someone has approached phel about dan feng.

it is, however, the first time that the recognition has come from an earring, of all things, and not from recognizing aphelios from some society function he and dan feng have shown their faces at recently. ]

That's right, that's him. [ sensing none of the other man's tension, aphelios smiles, the warm and adoring expression of a man deeply in love. on instinct, the hand not holding the shopping basket drops to his belly, idly rubbing at the curve of it. ] Are you two friends? From the luofu?

[ no shade to dan feng, but he isn't exactly a social creature the way aphelios is, and phel thinks it's likely that he would already know any friend dan feng made in town. he hadn't seen the other man on the luofu when it passed by several years ago, before they were married, but it was also a big place and aphelios was a little distracted by the topic of jing yuan at the time. ]

[ whatever love yingxing once held for dan feng is long gone, twisted into an aching, stabbing hatred that will never cease, can never cease, yet somehow the sight of this man, happy and bright and in love, feels like a knife to the heart. this happiness should have been his, long ago, before everything crumbled into pain and dust. ]

Friends.. yes. I knew him long ago, before his - ah..

[ his banishment. a touchy subject, he should think. blade's gaze flickers down to aphelios' hand on his belly. surely it means nothing. vidyadhara cannot procreate, they must've used a donor, yet still, the idea of dan feng persisting through a happy life while blade is a shadow of the man he once was - it grates him deeply.

he dips his head respectfully nonetheless. ]

I won't keep you on your feet any longer, but if you wouldn't mind passing on a message, I would be grateful. Give him regards from the Forge Master.

[ and, slipping his phone from his pocket - ]

I'd be happy to give you my contact information, if he'd like to get in touch.

[ later, aphelios will look back on this moment and wonder how stupid he could be, to not notice any of the tension in blade's jaw nor the bitterness in his gaze. with the benefit of hindsight it will seem plain as day, and yet in the moment all he sees is potential: an old friend of dan feng's, someone he was once close to who might like to see him again.

he believes dan feng when he says he's happy now, of course, and he doesn't ever want to push him into forming relationships he isn't ready for—the banishment is indeed a touchy subject—but there is a part of him that wonders if it might help a little, to meet with someone who had known him then and still thinks of him as a friend.

so phel, idiot that he is, happily pulls his own phone from his pocket and says, ] Yeah, that sounds nice! Here—give me your number and I'll pass it on.

[ after all, it's probably better that phel not give dan feng's number out—he might not even want to reconnect. aphelios knows better than anyone that the pain of what happened to dan feng then is still an ache that haunts him, and he wouldn't want to unwittingly rip open old wounds out of his own enthusiasm over dan feng having friends.

he unlocks his phone—the background is, predictably, a photo of dan feng—and hands it over so this forge master, whoever he is, can give aphelios his number. ]

[ like shooting fish in a barrel. it's not blade's forte to be charming and smooth to gather information, but aphelios all but fell right into his lap, he couldn't let the opportunity slip by. going against his nature for ten minutes is worth it if it means he can get shard sword through dan feng's heart at last.

of course, that picture nearly undoes him. dan feng looks as he always has, but happier than blade can ever remember seeing him. the knife in his heart twists. he ignores it, and types his contact information in with hands he forces to keep steady. his stiff, aching fingers make it difficult to perform fine movements, so it takes him a little time to punch his number in, but soon enough he's handing the phone back. ]

I should be here for the next two weeks, so it's no rush.

[ yes, yes it is a rush. ]

I hope he's doing well. And.. congratulations.

[ aphelios takes the phone back with a warm smile, beaming at the congratulations. it's likely that the other man doesn't even realize aphelios is carrying dan feng's babies—like anyone else who knows vidyadhara, he would aassume that they'd used a donor, knowing how difficult it is for vidyadhara to breed. phel almost wants to explain, except that would probably be way too much info about his and dan feng's sex life, so he manages to keep his mouth shut about it despite how thrilled it still makes him. ]

Thank you! I'll pass it on to him, along with your number.

[ and then he and the other man part ways, as is normal in an interaction like this one, leaving aphelios completely without suspicion as he makes his way to the checkout to pay for the snacks and veg. the walk back home feels even shorter than the walk to the store had, and before long aphelios is letting himself in to the penthouse, toeing his shoes off in the doorway before he makes his way into the kitchen with his spoils. ]

Babe? [ he calls out as he goes to put the bell peppers in the fridge. ] Are you home?

[ he is, in fact, home!

dan feng is in the kitchen currently, beginning to prepare the ingredients for the stir fry, chopping the chicken and vegetables, washing the bean sprouts and water chestnuts, all of his ingredients neatly gathered on the kitchen island. he hears the door, and aphelios' sweet, singsong voice, and smiles. ]

In the kitchen.

[ he calls out, then rinses his hands and dries them so he can meet aphelios halfway, arms around his husband, leaning in to kiss him. smiling, he filters his fingertips through phel's short hair. ]

Did you get everything you needed?

[ there's little in the world that aphelios loves more than rounding a corner and laying eyes on dan feng, so he's grinning as he enters the kitchen and sets the bag on the counter. he slides his arms around dan feng's shoulders and leans into the kiss, perfectly at ease. ]

I did. [ aphelios cups dan feng's handsome face in both hands, then brushes his own fingertips back through long strands of hair. ] And I only got two snack bags, praise me for my restraint.

[ with a laugh and another quick kiss, aphelios pulls away so he can wash his hands too, just a precaution after being outside and also in preparation in case dan feng wants him to help with the stir fry. ]

I met someone at the grocery store who said they knew you, [ phel says as he lathers up his hands. ] He said to give you his regards—from the Forge Master? I'm just now realizing I didn't get an actual name from him so I hope you know what that means, 'cause I don't.

[ all at once, dan feng freezes in place, rooted to the spot. it feels as if someone has upended a bucket of icewater over his head, his blood running instantly cold as he hears those words, all of the sweetness of the moment dissipating in a flash.

the forge master.

blade. blade is here. but that is not entirely what has dan feng so petrified. blade was with aphelios, with his very pregnant husband, and that shock of realization is like a kick to the teeth. phel can defend himself in many circumstances, yes, but dan feng knows well how lethal yingxing has become, how ruthless, and aphelios is in no condition to be fighting anyone right now. he's never been more vulnerable than he is right now.

the safety of the life he has led here, and all of its moving parts, shatters in an instant, their idyllic little life instantly in peril. dan feng should have guessed that this would happen, that this day would one day come, and yet now that it has, he feels helpless - helpless and furious that that man had come so close to someone he cherishes so deeply. blade is certainly not above using dan feng's loved ones to threaten him or draw him out if need be - the man is mad, mara struck, a shadow of the person he once was. ]

.. Yingxing.

[ dan feng finally croaks out, his voice as dry as desert sand. ]

[ focused on rinsing and then drying his hands, aphelios doesn't notice dan feng's reaction at first—he assumes that his husband is just quiet in thought, as he so often is. and why wouldn't he be? this is clearly someone he hasn't seen in a long time, and considering the way dan feng left his previous life it makes sense that he needs a moment to consider how to respond, how to feel—

but then he turns, and his smile falters at the look of... terror on dan feng's face, more abjectly devastated than anything aphelios has ever seen before. his heart stutters in his chest and as he moves toward dan feng he hears that one word, croaked out— ]

Ying—Yingxing? [ dan feng's ex, yingxing? the one who hates him now? the one who almost definitely wants dan feng dead, quite literally, not in the exaggerated drama queen way but in the would put a knife through dan feng's eye if he had the chance way?

phel's knees go weak, and he braces himself briefly against the counter before he forces himself upright again to go to dan feng. one hand at his waist, the other at his jaw, coaxing, steadying as aphelios rests their foreheads together. small comforts. there's nothing he can do that will make this better, but he hopes at least dan feng can draw some small bit of strength from him now. ]

I'm so—I'm so sorry, I had no idea... he seemed so... polite—oh, sweetheart... [ it's not aphelios' own safety he worries for now, as he pulls back a little to look at dan feng properly. ] Are you going to—is he coming after you? Baby, I'm sorry, you know I hate to push, but if this man is a danger to you I need to know exactly how much.

[ he feels numb with rage and shock, his entire body tense all over, hands balled into tight fists at his sides, where his nails dig deep into his palms.

it isn't until aphelios draws near, and touches him, that dan feng snaps out of his brief fugue. swallowing thickly, he takes a moment to close his eyes and center himself, pulling in a deep breath, exhaling slowly, before he shakes his head. ]

You're not pushing. It's all right.

[ this involves aphelios, after all, it involves their entire family, their safety, he has every right to know everything he could want to know about yingxing, and how threatening he truly is. but dan feng isn't worried about himself, he's worried about aphelios, about their unborn twins; blade is unpredictable, angry and mara-struck, he could have easily driven shard sword straight through phel's stomach without warning and without remorse.

the very thought - dan feng's arms coil tightly around aphelios. he just needs a moment.. a moment to register that his husband is safe, that their babies are safe, though his heart is pounding against his ribs. ]

He is.. very dangerous. Now that he has found me, he will stop at nothing to take me down. Nothing is sacred to him. It is likely that he will try to use you to lure me out.

[ he closes his eyes tightly. ]

I need to think..

Okay. [ dan feng's chest is a solid weight against which aphelios leans. he wraps his own arms around dan feng's waist and focuses on this, their bodies pressed together, whole and unharmed. ] It's okay, baby, we'll get through this together.

[ aphelios' belly presses to dan feng's, and he is momentarily blindingly grateful to have married this wonderful man. how strong he is, with his arms around phel. there is strength and beauty even in his vulnerability, in the way he lets himself be afraid. ]

The label has security firms we contract with for our artists. I can start there, for you and me.

[ the column of dan feng's spine, the strong shape of his shoulderblades through his shirt. aphelios draws his hands over them slowly, as if memorizing the lines of his husband's body. reassuring himself. ]

But we're safe right now, and we're gonna stay that way. [ after a moment, phel draws back to look into dan feng's face again, meeting his eyes with determination. ] Are you okay, A-Feng? Be honest.

[ though dan feng is admittedly terrified, aphelios' closeness, his warm touch is enough to begin to calm him, though it can't tame the fear. this was far too close. the worst could have so easily occurred and he would have been none the wiser. dipping his head, dan feng presses his face against his husband's neck, nuzzling there, breathing in his familiar comforting scent. ]

I.. no, I'm not.

[ aphelios had asked for honesty, and he will give it. swallowing tightly, dan feng pulls back just enough to cup his beloved's cheek in one gloved palm, exhaling slowly in an attempt to calm his racing heart. ]

I was a fool to think that he would not find me here, and Pheli, you - he could have killed you..

[ killed him, and their beautiful babies, still so new and unborn. ]

I cannot lose you. [ he whispers, touching their brows together, his free arm tightening around aphelios' waist. ] Aphelios..

[ they need to think of a plan, and quickly, but right now dan feng needs to calm himself enough to be able to think straight. ]

[ their foreheads press together and aphelios exhales a soft breath, relishing the closeness. it's reassuring for him too—while he's easily able to put on a brave face and hold himself steady in the face of dan feng's fear, there is certainly a part of him that's trembling with a terror all his own.

still. he brings one arm up so he can cup the back of dan feng's neck, holding them together. ]

But he didn't. [ his voice is low and reassuring, soothing as much for his own sake as dan feng's. ] He didn't, and you won't. I'm not going anywhere.

[ although at this distance dan feng can't quite see it, aphelios' expression grows determined, his jaw setting as he thinks about it. he can admit, knowing what little he knows about the circumstances of their parting, that yingxing might have the right to be angry, but he sure as hell has no right to come anywhere near either of them. ]

We will do everything in our power to stay safe and make sure he can't get to either of us, and we'll involve whoever we have to involve to make that happen, [ he says. and then, because he knows they're both thinking it: ] And if he so much as looks sideways at our babies I'll tear his fucking throat out myself.

[ it's easy to forget that aphelios spent much of his young adulthood being trained as an assassin... ]

[ yes, it's easy to forget that indeed, and that savage little reminder is enough to put dan feng's heart a little more at ease. aphelios is quite capable on his own, yes, which helps to soothe him, and yet.. the fear persists. it's entirely possible that blade could be waiting for them on the street this very moment, having followed home his unknowing husband, which is all the more reason to move quickly, he thinks. ]

I trust that you will do just that.

[ his fierce, wonderful aphelios.. dan feng knows that he would do anything in his power to keep their children safe from harm. though his chest is tight with painful anxiety, dan feng takes a deep breath, and another. ]

You should get in touch with Alune, I'll contact security. We shouldn't stay here, it's dangerous and indefensible. Not to mention, civilians..

[ blade is a wanted criminal with a bounty on his head that's likely twice the amount that the two of them make together, he's reckless and desperate, and by now the mara is surely chewing at him. civilian casualties will hardly be on yingxing's mind. he presses a kiss to aphelios' brow, then another to his mouth, before he's quickly reaching for his phone to dial up the proper contacts. ]

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