loong | a great escape;

a great escape;

[ this planet.. is a tranquil one. lonely, but peaceful. there are no intelligent species here, but that is, perhaps, for the best - dan feng's penance continues, after all. in escaping the luofu he was not attempting to escape general punishment, only the molting rebirth. fear of losing himself, of losing his memories, his sense of self..

perhaps it made him a coward, to flee, but warm memories are all he has now, and he could not bear to part with them just yet.

so here he waits, alone in his own beautiful purgatory, awaiting the end of his days, nursing his ailing mind, existing in torment and in bliss in equal measure. his hatching rebirth will come in time, and only then, perhaps, will he be free of his sin, or at the very least, free of his pain. the crime of the previous life must be atoned for in the next, but.. his memories of the quintet would vanish, save for in dreams, and his reincarnation could live on.

it's a lush, lovely planet, where he has escaped to, slowly orbiting the glowing deep of a black hole, where time, for him, runs more slowly, dragging out like a string of sticky molasses. there are thick forests and vast wetlands, eighty percent of this world is water, and there is no sign that intelligent life has ever existed here. no ruins. no scrawled paintings in caves. no hidden chambers beneath the seas. three hundred years he has spent combing the globe and found nothing to suggest that anyone but he has walked the earth here. only animals. insects. fish. they make decent company, but dan feng still keeps to himself, living out of a modest shelter built near the water's edge.

three hundred years, and he speaks to no one, says nothing, until the day the majestic luofu blots out the light of the diffracting black hole.

the sight of it stills his heart in his breast, and dan feng finds his throat running dry, but when the small starskiff lands he is standing quietly, watchful and calm, the tip of his tail swaying behind him as he watches jing yuan disembark, resplendent in his general's clothing. he takes a deep breath.. releases it. ]

.. you must have been very keen to find me, to brave the dangers of the black hole.

[ for time.. time is a precious thing, every hour he spends here could be a year on the luofu. ]

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[ jing yuan.. a soft sigh passes his lips. ]

I do not underestimate you. I overestimate myself.

[ he thinks enough of jing yuan to know that he would have seen this coming; suicide is, after all, not uncommon among long life and immortal species, but he had hoped that he himself would be quick enough to get it done before his old lover arrived. or that perhaps jing yuan might have looked for him elsewhere. maybe he was a fool to choose this spot in particular, but dan feng has always been caught up in his own pain easily. where else would he say goodbye but here?

but jing yuan's voice is like a shackle at his feet, and dan feng can feel the shiver of electricity behind him, can smell the ozone in the air.. jumping is no longer an option. his chest clenches tightly. ]

You know very well that this has nothing to do with you or your hospitality.

[ he says, softly, gazing down into the clouds beneath his feet for several moments before he finally turns to face the general. dan feng's expression is a mask of pain, pain and stalwart, fearless resolve. had jing yuan arrived but minutes later, he surely would have jumped without hesitation. the wind tugs at his hair, his clothing snapping like a flag. he should have brought a knife. ]

I suppose you won't allow me this mercy, either.

[Jing Yuan tilts his head up at these remarks. He doesn't know... He doesn't know because he hasn't read the letters left behind. If he had... He'd have been much too late.]

A mercy? [He sighs, deep and heavy. An anger that is unusual for him begins to fester.] We cannot speak of this here. People are bound to hear. Back home with me. Now.

[Stern and commanding... He is, after all, General of the Luofu and not the young boy with a mischievous demeanor and a soft way of speaking. Who had risen to the seat of Lieutenant but had dreams and wants far outside the Luofu. Of worlds beyond. For no matter how hard one might wish for the High Cloud Quintet to last forever there was always going to be an expiration date on it. One day he would inevitably be alone and could take those aspirations to the stars.

But the Quintet fell apart much too soon. Leaving behind so much devastation. When the dust of that horrible day settled and Dan Feng was taken away and Yingxing missing, Jingliu falling apart to her mara there was no one left but him. And he was brought in by the Ten Lords, injured still and confused and frightened, for questioning. What had the Quintet done and why.

It was from them he heard it all first. Laying down these horrible crimes at his feet and asking what part he had in all of them. If this was a conspiracy from the Quintet. And when he'd finally managed to get into the Shackling Prison to speak to the one person he could... There was nothing but silence to greet him.

But he swore to himself that despite this... He would not let them destroy Dan Feng. Such a thing required leverage in a place he did not have it and to make a deal with the Preceptors. He shackled himself to the Luofu at the wishes of the Ten Lords and managed to work with the Preceptors to convince the Lords not to completely destroy Dan Feng but to have him go through a rebirth. The reincarnation would still live... And from there he went against the Preceptors and fought for that new life to be freed. And that was a fight he had to fight alone. But with the other Charioteers and his long years in the seat of General he did manage to garner enough to support to see the task through. To free Dan Heng and eventually go so far as to remove his banishment...

But these trials and these long years have worn away the young boy that Dan Feng knew. And in this moment they have never felt further apart. It feels like two strangers standing across from one another. Lightning crackles along side the General's anger. His disappointment. And none of it brokers any room for argument.]

I will drag you back if I must.

[ jing yuan's fury crackles like lightning, and dan feng is not one to be cowed, but he.. surrenders.

despite the heartfelt nature of his letter, it seems that jing yuan will not be swayed. maybe he didn't believe the words, didn't believe that dan feng was telling the truth, which would have been.. well, unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected. he has no reason to believe anything dan feng says, but still, it hurts, like a hot knife straight through the ragged remains of his heart.

dan feng closes his eyes, breathes, casts one final glance over the edge of baiheng's dock, before dipping his head and moving forward, brushing past jing yuan in silence.

and he is silent all the way back to the manor, silent as they cross through the luofu and move back inside again. the building feels too quiet, the atmosphere uncomfortable and crushing, and even once the door is closed again dan feng remains silent still. ]

[The door to his home shuts with such finality... The walk back to his home did nothing to mellow out the festering anger. It churns deep and hot within his guts. He is not one for anger. He does not raise his voice. He speaks sternly, for he must. But it never rises in pitch. He shouts commands but not at people.

And even now... When he speaks next it is measured. But fury colors the words.]

Mercy... [His shoulder brushes past Dan Feng's as he enters the house and down the hall into his office.] The both of you are one and the same...

[His boots sound like thunder as they take to the wooden floors of the home.]

I had to stand there and watch as Yingxing begged Jingliu to take his life. I saw his body hit the stone with such force it surely must have shattered every bone. He lay there dead and then the body shuddered back to life... The disappointment on his face when he realized he was still alive and the shaky intakes of air as the body forced itself to live again. I will never forget... And then there's you wanting to jump off the Luofu when you have the opportunity to go anywhere else.

Death is not... [He puts a hand to his temple attempting to reign himself in but it's difficult. He's so... furious at Dan Feng.] The both of you have the opportunity to do anything else. To find each other and fight to the death or live... or to avoid one another completely. To see endless worlds and stars but you would throw that chance away... And I don't understand it. I will never understand it...

There is so much more to this life and this world... The Dan Feng I knew would... [The General's shoulders slump some in defeat and the words take on a softer edge for just a moment.] Surely he would have wanted to see the all the galaxy had to offer with his beloved. You must have a few hundred years left. There are new experiences and memories to be made. You are not rooted to this world. You are free to see what is beyond it! Despite everything... every hardship and pain and grievance tomorrow will always be worth seeing and experiencing.

But... What irks me the most is that you would leave me behind once more. I'm sure you've left me a note... [He plucks it from his desk. Still folded and unread.] Explaining your intentions and expecting me to be too late to stop you...

Silence would have been preferred as was your method the last time we parted ways.

[ jing yuan is angry, angrier than dan feng has ever seen; surprising, perhaps, but also a little refreshing. anger is an important tool, a vital emotion, and perhaps at last his old lover has snapped, all of the pressure of their lives crushing him, and that's just as well. dan feng finds his jaw clenching. ]

The Dan Feng you knew is irrelevant, as is the Jing Yuan I knew, General.

[ the word is spat like a poisoned barb. ]

Who are you to tell me what I should do with my time? With my life? You have made your choices, and I may make mine. I have nothing left. Yingxing is gone, the Quintet is broken, and you -

[ he hisses through his fangs, turning his head aside, pain and fury churning in his gut, hitting him hard with a wave of heat and nausea. how can jing yuan not see? up there on his high horse, one might think he'd have the proper view of those wretches below him, yet he still cannot seem to understand dan feng, to see his weakness. ]

- you may as well be gone, as well. We are broken, Jing Yuan. When will you open your eyes and realize that I was never as strong as you believed me to be, that I am not you, I have no desire to carry this pain anymore, this burden - why should I be forced to continue to carry this weight when there is only pain ahead of me? How can I enjoy the cosmos with this unforgiven guilt? There is no color in this world anymore.

[ and there hasn't been for a long, long time. a lump rises in dan feng's throat, and he swallows thickly, though when jing yuan lifts that letter.. he hadn't read it, had he? he would have preferred silence. that comment twists the knife in his heart, and dan feng storms forward, snatching the unopened envelope from jing yuan's hand. ]

Fine, then. Be rid of it. Burn it. Burn it all, if you have no desire to read it.

[He reaches to take his letter back from Dan Heng but stops himself, letting it fall to his side.]

But I am not gone. I have been here the whole time. Alone... And I have spent all that time fixing your mistakes. Trying to free your reincarnation so that he can have a better life than yours was. I thought... it was the least I could do for an old friend despite his transgressions. Despite everything.

There is not only pain-- [He stops himself from continuing to berate for it will serve no purpose. It will get them nowhere. So he closes his eyes for a moment attempting to find something in himself other than anger and hurt but...] You will not die on my ship. You can go die somewhere else if that is your wish.

I, again, implore you to find your lost beloved. Of five names three must pay the price... And once again, I am left out of whatever little collusion you two cooked up hundreds of years ago. Which suits me well enough... I want no part of your centuries old suicide pact.

What do you want from me?

[ jing yuan will not allow him to die, neither does he want to keep his letter, nor repair their rift - what's left? finding yingxing, facing more heartache, to see and feel what his beloved has become. to kill one another. that's jing yuan's solution? what he thinks will bring him peace? ]

You are not gone, you say, after making yourself incredibly clear the entire time I have been here that you have no interest in me, in what we were. You cannot have it both ways. You cannot freeze me out and then also cry to me that you are still here.

[ it's confusing, painful, and makes things far more convoluted than they already are. he's so frustrated. his heart aches. jing yuan does not want him anymore, yet neither will he grant him what he needs. hot tears prick dan feng's eyes, his tail lashing behind him in fury, and he pushes the letter into his robes, out of reach, approaching jing yuan like a shadow, standing close, his eyes narrowed. ]

I'll leave you to your misery, then, if your Lord Arbiter-General would grant me this kindness. Or would you prefer to tear into one another until we have nothing left?

What we were? [Jing Yuan scoffs, hands curling into fists.] Did you think after everything I would fall right back into your arms like a lost puppy? Had you shown any sort of positive disposition upon meeting on that dying world I may have even believed, for a second, in our past.

But all I saw was the High Elder who still thought to speak to me as if I was his lesser. We cannot go back to what we had as we are missing the essential piece. What use am I in your sheets if not to the bed warmer to keep Yingxing's voracious short life appetite in line?

I was much younger then... Much more foolish to think that I could have wound my way in someone else's love story. That I could have mattered to either of you as much as you meant to each other... I know better. And I not interested in repeating that dance nor being his replacement.

[He steps away from Dan Feng, hips hitting the edge of his desk.]

Do not speak as if I have done you some sort of disservice. As if I have been unkind to you. Just because we are not what we were does not mean you are being treated with poorly. If I wanted to be cruel to you you'd be in the Shackling Prison. I'd have turned you in at first sight. But it is out of the love I once had for you that I am trying to save my life however ungrateful you may be for it.

Has the young lieutenant truly become such a blind fool? You were clearly wiser then than you are now, if that is what you think.

[ those words.. they sting. the implication that dan feng did not love him, that yingxing did not love him, that he was nothing more than some.. toy for their pleasure. did he think that then, too, all the times he took him into his arms? some of the anger in dan feng's expression fades to shock, to hurt, before the fury of the dragon surges forward again. ]

You have been unkind to me since the moment you found me on that doomed world, do not act so self-righteous, and do not mistake me - I know very well that I do not deserve your kindness, nor am I asking for it. But I do expect honesty. There are more ways to be cruel than binding me in the Shackling Prison.

[ their time together here has been nothing short of torment. this cold war between them. avoiding one another, shooting barbs back and forth.. this is not kindness.

and it prickles him that jing yuan is stepping away, moving back and away from him as if he cannot stand to be near. dan feng is not so different from him in many ways, he is very slow to anger, but now that the dragon has been awakened there can be no soothing it, not when jing yuan was really only ever the one who was able to calm his delirium. he steps forward again, pinning jing yuan's body with his own, both hands seizing his fair hair. ]

Did you think that then, too? That you meant nothing to us? That I ever saw you as lesser? You're a damned fool, Jing Yuan.

[There is no where else to go, now pinned, but there is a slight scramble of boots sliding across the floor in an effort to get away that gets him nowhere. And certainly not when Dan Feng tugs at his hair causing a flood of pain amplified by the conversation they're currently having.

It does make him docile as the former High Elder surely knew... Easily pulled along by the mop of silvery hair when he was younger and how he'd purr for more from either man in their bed. Better days... When he had contently squeezed himself between the two...

Did he think then what he does now?

On occasion... It would be difficult not to in his position. He was often away for training, skimishes, or war itself. It always felt a little bit like impeding on something he shouldn't be but he truly couldn't stay away from the affection they both gave him. Yet doubt would creep in... And he'd chide himself for feeling even the faintest churning of jealousy. Surely they love him too. Just as much. Yingxing's time is shorter so he needs...

But after everything and he was told the perspective of the Ten Lords and Dan Feng's silence... The abandonment and the realization of his situation clawed at his heart. And time and loneliness finally collapsed the dam in his heart.

Silence is the answer he will give Dan Feng. Jaw clenched and firmly shut. This, too, can join all the unanswered questions of their past.]

[ silence, after all of that fire. dan feng can hardly bear it.

his body tenses, nails pricking jing yuan's scalp, and for a moment there's the urge to bite and claw, to burn him for this pain, to fight. but the pain on jing yuan's expression cuts his heart deep, and dan feng feels a sound escaping his throat, something halfway between a shout and a sob, tears flooding his eyes, blurring the sight of jing yuan's face. would that he were left on that doomed planet to die. would that jing yuan would have allowed him to jump.. ]

Fool.. you're a fool..

[ he whispers, his breath rushing, trembling, before he's pressing closer, their bodies flush, his arms scrambling around jing yuan's shoulders to hug tightly to him.

dan feng was never particularly known for his warmth. he was always a distant sort of man, his position demanded much for him, things he never wanted to give, a mask he was forced to wear, but jing yuan.. jing yuan had been one of the few who saw beneath it, who knew his smile, and how affectionate he could truly be, with the right people, at the right times.

and now, he's holding desperately to him, one hand still fisted in that thick hair, the other snagged in the back of jing yuan's coat, clinging as if he needs him to breathe. ]

[There's really no more words, other than being told he's a fool. Which is fine... But it's the gentle embrace that causes a tremble at first. Then a broken sound followed by... tears.

His hands grip at Dan Feng's robes but he does not tug or pull, just a tight hold as if he's going to vanish on him again. And he might. He just tried to, after all. And he's honestly not sure if that would be easier or harder. He's just tired.

Very tired.

Despite the hold on his hair he manages to lean forward resting his head on the other's shoulder, eyes squeezing shut as if that will stop the tears but all it really does is make them fall harder. And the harder they fall the more erratic his breathing becomes until he's sobbing as if he was young again. Pent up tears from centuries past that have finally weighed too heavy.]

[ and just like that, everything snaps, everything breaks and crumbles, all of their anger and pain crumpling like thin rice paper.

dan feng's breath hitches and shudders, and he holds to jing yuan tightly, squeezing, turning his head to drag his mouth over the general's ear and jawline. now that jing yuan is so close again, pressed so near, dan feng can't resist the ancient pull of the affection he still has for his old lover, despite the terrible pain resonating in his heart. dan feng does not sob aloud, but his tears fall nonetheless, streaking down his face in shining tracks, mingling with jing yuan's own.

how had it all come to this? no, they could not have kept the quintet forever, they would have gone their separate ways in time. yingxing, to his death. jing yuan to his galaxy roving. baiheng to the sky. and yet, in the end, the way things had splintered so utterly, so terribly, so painfully.. it had been bloody, ugly, agonizing, and for long life species like them, it does not feel like ancient history. it feels as fresh as yesterday.

now here they are near the end, in their twilight, brought together again despite all odds, as if fate itself had guided the luofu to that planet.. ]

Yuan..

[ he whispers, his voice thick as he holds the trembling, shuddering man, dragging kisses over his tearstained cheek as his own continue to fall like pearls, his knuckles white with the force with which he holds on. ]

A-Feng--

[He wraps his arms around Dan Feng's shoulders and holds him tight, fingers curling into the back of the robe instead. The tears do not stop or slow no matter how much he wants them too.]

Please just--

[He has no idea what he wants. To feel something that isn't pain. To be close to someone he loved and still loves so deeply. It feels rather unwise to be intimate after everything that was just said but he also can't express how badly he needs his old lover. It'll ease something right now even if it hurts later. And he's expecting it to hurt a great deal. Still, he can't bring himself to ask proper. Shame after some of the things he said and can't even deny that he meant. Because a part of him very much did.

So he simply clings tighter, nuzzling into the other's neck in an attempt to get his breathing under his control.]

I'm sorry... I am...

[And that is something he sincerely means with every part of his heart. That it got this way. That he acted how he has. He wishes, so very much, that things could be different.]

So am I.

[ dan feng's voice is a quiet whisper, something private between them, the expression of pain held in for so long. they have both said things in anger, things in hurt, things that cannot be unsaid but they can, perhaps, be made up for in tears and in warmth, however fleeting this moment might be. hundreds of years have passed.. years spent in agony, old wounds festering that never had the chance to properly heal.

to think that they could heal now.. surely that is a fool's errand, surely it is much too late for that, and yet dan feng clings to him like a ghost from the past, chasing the warmth that they once shared.

drawing back just enough to look into jing yuan's face, dan feng presses their brows together, his face shining with tears, red-rimmed eyes pleading, and as he sinks both hands into jing yuan's hair he knows that this is a mistake, but he cannot stop himself. he presses their mouths together, hot, needful, demanding, his body arching forward like a flower turning its face toward the sun. jing yuan has always been the warmth between them, he's always been the smiling face they came home to, the laughter in their ears - of the three of them, he was surely the heart of their love.

how quickly it had all spoiled..

yet in this moment, things - however briefly - feel right again, and dan feng holds to that rightness like a man starved, for it has been centuries since last he felt another's warm touch, since he experienced sensation that was welcome and sweet. ]

[He finds it hard to look at Dan Feng but he does bring a hand up to try and dry those tears, brushing the rough pads of his fingers along still soft cheeks. He's sorry... It's already been said but he'd say it more if he could get the words out.

His heart skips a beat at the kiss. Lips hot against his and he is quick to melt into it. Lips parting in desperate want. He surges back, eyes fluttering closed, grip tightening. Already pressed back against the desk it's an easy thing to sit on the edge of that, legs wrapping around the waist of his old lover, pulling him further into him.

He misses Yingxing already... Pressed behind him and touching. When he'd be kissed breathless Dan Feng and he would continue while he busied himself elsewhere. But just the one is memorable too. They've had many nights just the two of them. Yingxing lost in the forge and creating something with the most determined focus.

But there is a sad tinge to it too. It reminds him of the night after he was told his parents had become marastruck. They'd never spoken again after he left home. Never forgiven him for his choices. Nothing resolved between himself and them and it was much too late to do anything. He remembers being held tight and kissed sweetly... Promises made that they were certain would never be broken.

The same thing had almost happened again between him and Dan Feng. The old memory makes him hold to the other man tighter, hoping to avoid a repeat of the past. Something he never thought would occur between them. But almost did. By the grace of the Aeons it didn't.

He kisses while whispering Dan Feng's name, the nickname on his lips before he's running his tongue along the seam his old lover's lips. Desperate for more in case this is the last time.]

[ whether or not this will be the last time.. dan feng isn't thinking about that, isn't considering it, he's only thinking about this moment and how wonderful it feels to be kissed again, to be with jing yuan in ways he has messed so terribly. they've spent so long hurling barbs back and forth in anger, but this is far preferable, this is warm and needful and though it is painful as well, it aches in the sweetest way.

jing yuan's lips part, his tongue glides, and dan feng responds in kind, parting his lips and murmuring soft noises that are lost between their mouths as the kiss deepens.

aeons, he needs this, it's a balm to his cracked and weeping soul. surging into the kiss, dan feng dips his tongue to taste his partner, his old lover, his hands tightening in jing yuan's hair to keep him close, desperate not to lose this thing they have finally regained, however fleeting it may or may not be.

jing yuan's legs snap tightly around his narrow hips, and dan feng feels his heart skip, his pulse skyrocketing as his body rolls fluidly forward, sliding against jing yuan's, soaking up his heat. dan feng has always run cool, he remembers how often he would love to be pressed between his lovers, held close, they were always so wonderfully warm and he basked in the feeling like a lizard under the sun. and now he holds to jing yuan again, pressing against his warmth, fingernails grazing his scalp. ]

Bedroom -

[ he whispers harshly, both hands seizing jing yuan's thighs and squeezing, though he can't bring himself to break the kiss even for a moment. ]

[Bedroom... Through the halls, up the stairs... So far to go. Stopping feels like it'll be a cold bucket of water on what they're doing. Like realization will sink in... that everything will come crashing down in a few moments of clarity. His heart will surely fracture beyond repair if that happens happens. So he shakes his head and shifts himself on the desk, unwilling to risk it.]

Here... Here is fine.

[Here is certainly not fine. He can feel his back and hips already starting to ache at the thought of getting railed against this hard surface. No supplies and no good way to prep. It's been seven hundred years he can't just take Dan Feng like he used to. But there's a strong part of him that doesn't care. He just wants this. And if it hurts tomorrow and days after so be it.

His legs squeeze around Dan Feng's hips tighter, not willing to let go or stop. And he deepens the kiss once more in an attempt to prevent further insistence. And... because he wants to. Dan Feng tastes and kisses just how he remembers. It's nostalgic and painful... but good too.]

[ dan feng's reply comes as an irritated grunt. here is not fine. they have no lubricant, no soft surfaces - neither of them are young anymore, and he has no desire to put jing yuan through any more discomfort or pain than he already has. but he has a feeling that jing yuan won't budge on this, and he doesn't have the patience right now to argue it, so.. it is what it is. if jing yuan is sore tomorrow, well, then he's sore tomorrow.

so rather than argue the point, dan feng instead begins to tug at jing yuan's clothing, undoing the cincher around his waist and shoving it away before tugging at his coat, opening it up and pushing it back. they likely won't get one another's clothing entirely off, they're both too needy and too desperate, but that's fine.

later. perhaps.. perhaps there will be time later for something sweeter, if this first bout does not destroy them.

yanking at jing yuan's belt, dan feng all but tears open the general's trousers to get a hand inside of them, into that incredible heat, his cool palm sliding along jing yuan's cock, squeezing. ]

I've missed this..

[ he murmurs against jing yuan's mouth, biting at his lips, his long tail whipping behind him, then curling around jing yuan's calf. dan feng is not a particularly sexual creature under most circumstances, but this isn't necessarily about pleasure, it's about connection, it's about showing jing yuan his love in a way that is impossible to misinterpret. ]

[No, it certainly isn’t fine but this is the bed he’s chosen to lie in. Or… on, in this case. Also the bed is a desk.

But once Dan Feng starts pulling open his clothing none of that matters. Just the heat of what’s occurring between them and the restoration of a long lost connection.

Dan Feng’s skin has always been cool against his own. And he shivers and bites back a sound at the feel of it on his cock. His hips speak for him, rocking instantly into the touch. His body remembers how much he loved Dan Feng touching him and how he used to. They’ve not been at this long enough to encourage full arousal but that single touch has him filling out entirely.

Not one to remain still in these affairs he begins to pull earnestly at his old lovers robes. It’s no more frantic than Dan Feng nearly tearing his pants open. There’s desperation and longing in every action. And once that cool skin is beneath his palms the touch cams considerably. His nails don’t dig in our scratch but a genuine glide across skin that always felt wrong to blemish, though Yingxing never had any qualms with that.

The High Elder was always someone untouchable and that he got to be in his presence in his younger years should have been enough. But it wasn’t. He wanted more. And somehow he got it.]

A-Feng— [He moans at the bite on his lips, the tail coiling around him.] You too… [So much… More than he can ever properly express.] Don’t let me go…

[In this particular moment. Or ever again… It’s one and the same at this point.

[ it feels as if his heart is breaking in his breast, split into a thousand jagged pieces that pierce his flesh like needles. don't let me go, jing yuan says, and a deep, cold pang of regret punches at the back of dan feng's throat. he swallows thickly, a soft sob on his breath. ]

I won't. I'm here.

[ he whispers, soft against jing yuan's lips as his fingers curl, wrapping around the general's cock and beginning to stroke him hard and deep, feeling the way he hardens so gratifyingly beneath his cool touch. sex has always fascinated him in so many ways. vidyadhara do not reproduce sexually, and so his libido is quite low, but there are still remnants left behind, vestigial genitalia and hints of a sex drive that are enough to keep him interested every once in awhile.. though certainly not enough to have satisfied yingxing. dan feng had always preferred a different sort of closeness. physical touch. lying together with a loved one. sharing a bed while sleeping pressed in near.

but this is still incredible, he still enjoys sex, especially when it means reconnecting with someone precious. someone he has missed so desperately for so long.

and yet, despite the time that has passed, dan feng still remembers how to touch him, remembers what jing yuan likes and prefers, and he wants so badly to give it to him. so after a few more strokes, dan feng gathers jing yuan's precum on his fingers, then trails them downward, stopping momentarily at his heavy sac to squeeze it gently, before his slicked fingers slip lower, pressing directly against his tight hole. no teasing. not this time. he presses as slowly and gently as he can manage, sliding one finger into him up to the second knuckle. ]

[That sobbed out assurence breaks his heart in equal measure. His fingers curl along the long dark and silky hair of the former High elder. He wants them to be closer even though that's a rather impossible want. They can't be any closer than they are now but still, it doesn't feel like it's enough. He wants so much more. Needs so much more.

He whimpers against Dan Feng's lips as his cock is stroked to full hardness, leaking already in aching want.

The single finger of penetration feels... Long overdue. It feels good. Even just the single digit causes a small aching stretch considering how long its been but-- He tries not to clench or tighten himself up too much lest Dan Feng reconsiders this arrangement. But the words of admitence spill out of him all the same as he rocks himself on that single finger, satsified with the connection itself more than anything.]

A-Feng... You were the last one inside me. [He whispers the words against Dan Feng's lips, eyes falling closed.] The night before Shuhu came... The three of us. Yingxing first but then it was you. [He always felt special when Dan Feng would take him. And he remembers trying to coax him into taking him with both cocks but the idea was never entertained. Yingxing so ungraciously saying how his ass can't afford to be broken or Jingliu would kill them all. The memory brings a huff of laughter to him and he hugs Dan Feng tighter, pulling him closer to his body.] I love-- [Loved? No... Still love. Of course.] --you still... With all my heart.

[ dan feng is indeed watching and listening very carefully, and if at any point he feels he is hurting jing yuan - well, then they'll be moving to the bedroom whether the general likes it or not. luckily for them both, dan feng's cocks are naturally slick, already dampening his trousers as they slide from his slit, stiffening with need, the lower slightly larger than the upper, already beading with fluid.

somehow, he's surprised by that statement, however - that jing yuan has been celibate all this time is.. impossible to believe. he's beautiful, he's warm, kind, strong, he's everything anyone could ever want in a partner, but.. he's also terribly, painfully loyal. loyal enough to go seven hundred years without taking a partner, because he could not bear the ache of loving another, of betraying an ancient memory. truly, jing yuan is and always has been the best of them.. ]

You shouldn't, you fool.. [ he whispers, a soft moan passing his lips when jing yuan's fingers grasp his hair. ] .. but I have never stopped loving you.

[ he has never stopped loving either of them. jing yuan, yingxing.. together they warmed the heart of the cold and distant high elder, they showed him the beauty and splendor of being in love. perhaps it was a mistake, for it was that love for the quintet that essentially drove him mad with grief and yet he selfishly hoards it still, desirous of this warm space between them.

his finger slips deeper, followed by a second, feeling jing yuan's hot passage clinging to them. dan feng's hips hitch forward, his cocks aching for him already, but not yet, not yet.. not until he's sure that jing yuan is ready. ]

[The confession of love brings a new wave of tears. His heart aches for the past. And how he should have put his concerns to light and been reassured then so he didn't have to doubt for hundreds of years after. He tucks his face into Dan Feng's neck, hiding all these new tears.

The words are not quite a balm... But they help. They help to hear. There's still a lot to questions. A lot to not be certain about. But at least right now... he knows it's genuine.

Two fingers is a lot... A lot considering the circumstances. And through the tears and all the raw emotions he has to remind himself not to clench too tight about the dull burn of the intrusion. That this is dry doesn't help but he remembers Dan Feng's everything and knows it'll be fine once they get to the heart of it. Well, aside from his size but he'll manage or call tomorrow off. Something will sort itself out. But to help ease the process of it all he talks through it. Because there are some things that should be said. He gave Dan Feng silence before but he won't now...]

I only thought it sometimes... Like an intrusive thought. A shallow feeling of jealousy that I did not mean as much to either of you as you meant to each other. [He closes his eyes tight, clutching to Dan Feng tighter. He was so young back then... His first relationship was them. An already established pair but... His parents dismissed him for his choices. And Jingliu was a cold teacher. A wall of ice always stood between them. So he chased Yingxing for attention... And then attempted to cease when he found he belonged to another. But circumstances being what they were and him being in an obvious state of pining (for both of them in good time) was a good third. And Aeons above did he want to be loved so very badly by them both. To hold the same place in their hearts that they had for each other. He loved them so much... And when they were gone when he found out what they did his heart shattered in a way that would never recover.] I just... [So many small things that made his heart sting... So much time away due to duty. There was enough room for the smallest bit of doubt to exist. And it was a doubt that festered and rotted away at him long after they were gone. After they'd left him.] I wanted to be special to you both...

I wanted it more than anything the universe had to offer...

[ two fingers is a lot, but he'll need to take a lot more than that if he wants dan feng to fuck him over his desk. he has the feeling that jing yuan isn't being entirely straightforward about how this is feeling, about his potential discomfort, but.. he doesn't want to stop. he needs this just as much as jing yuan does, he's missed this so terribly, had lived out his days under the assumption that he wouldn't ever know this closeness again..

.. yet here they are, against all odds, and neither of them wants to stop.

jing yuan's admission makes his chest tighten painfully, even as his fingers continue to work, pushing deeper, urging him open, fingertips pressing to the warm lump of his prostate to hopefully help bring him some pleasure through the burn. to think that jing yuan had felt that way.. it makes his heart ache. dan feng's free hand rises up, sinking into jing yuan's hair, holding tightly. ]

We loved you with everything we had.

[ he whispers, pressing hot, needy kisses to jing yuan's jaw, pumping his fingers in and out, his cocks still straining painfully in his too-tight trousers. dan feng's voice is a soft murmur directly against jing yuan's ear, urging him to believe his words, to know full well that they never saw him as lesser, that they loved him terribly, deeply, achingly. sliding his fingers free, dan feng is finally tugging at his trousers, yanking them open to release his painful erections, pressing them against jing yuan's belly. ]

Qīn’ài de, never doubt it, never forget it.

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